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On Quinoa and Psychosis: Why I want to go to Healthy Living Summit

2011-08-04T12:27:00.003-04:00

Dear Readers: I want to go to Healthy Living Summit. Attune Foods is giving away one free ticket TOMORROW. You've heard me gripe for the last infinity months about my "healthy living" confusion; Let's hope this does the trick!

I’ve had so much quinoa in the last few months that even my sweat has all the essential amino acids to make a full protein, and I’m pretty sure my body is just shy of toxic Vitamin A levels from all the spinach I’ve been housing at the same time.

Over the past year, I’ve been blogging and reading and Whole Fooding my brains out to strive for a healthy lifestyle with increased energy, fitness, and, ultimately, happiness. I’ve read a lot of your stories, eaten organic, eaten gluten-free, eaten fat-free then eaten full-fat, and incorporated spinach into every meal short of dessert (never say never). But I have to admit, I’m not sure I feel any different. Not that organic graham crackers were an unwelcome alternative to Nabisco, just that … is the strain on my psyche and my wallet really worth the trouble?

My faithful blog readers have watched me transition from a high school cross country runner, to a college freshman, to a group fitness instructor; from carb loading, to all-salads-all-the-time, to discerning my monounsaturated fats from my polyunsaturated fats (...from my trans fats from my complex carbs from my simple carbs...you get the idea). Even as an angsty teenager, I knew I wanted to be healthy. But now, as a 20-something professional with an adult body and an adult life, I feel...unprepared. Confused. Exasperated. Starving. Full. Tired. Psychotic?

So what do healthy living and being attuned mean to me? I thought I knew. But I’m finding out now that … I don’t anymore!

In the past year, I’ve hit a wall. A fitblogging wall. I’ve lost my voice a little to a sea of screaming health dos and don’ts, and my writing has been soggy and uninspired. I don’t want to be that fitblogger who just fitblogs about her confusion; I want my vivacious voice back. So at only 5’3” and 111 pounds, I am determined to break my wall down. That’s where Healthy Living Summit comes in.

Above all my quinoa, sweat, Vitamin A, and confusion, one thing has remained: the unyielding desire to live the healthiest and happiest life I can possibly live. I know that doesn’t make me much different from any other person trying to win a free ticket to Healthy Living Summit, but the opportunity presents me with the push and inspiration I’ll need to get on my boxing/writing gloves and start breaking down my wall—one healthy-living blog post at a time.

A revelation: Not seeking men

2011-07-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

My Dad likes to say "No worries." But, he's a dad, so he does worry, even as my younger sister and I become adults.

His latest worry - a couple months after the breakup of my two-year relationship - is that I don't meet any people with Y chromosomes. "Emma, if you spend all your time at yoga classes and dance studios, you are not going to meet any guys," he says.

(I actually stumbled over loosely quoting him there - what did he say? Men? Boys? Guys? I'm not sure. My brain isn't sure what to call who I would eventually like to date either. I'm 25 now - I should date exclusively men, right? This labeling question is stupid.)

I feel like I need to refer my dad to this blog circa fall 2008 to winter 2009.

And then I had a revelation: for the first time in a DECADE I do not feel the hyper-need to seek the attention of Y chromosomes.

I choose yoga and dance (which I EXTREMELY encourage men to try - and men ARE involved there - how did our culture turn this around so much?) because I need some "feminine" energy in my life. I crave fluidity, creativity, warmth and quietness as I heal and evolve into my adult self.

So, Dad, don't worry, I'm not done with men or relationships forever. And, by the way, Dad, men DO take part in some of these physical activities. And next time I go to a social event, maybe I won't avoid the eye of every man lustfully staring me down (see, Dad? You really don't want to hear the flip side). But in the meantime, seriously, don't worry. I consider this mindset a huge win.

On Naming a Puppy, Part II

2011-07-20T11:13:00.007-04:00

Please enjoy a follow-up to OhMyTwin's "On Naming a Puppy."

Because a puppy is a one-time thing for the Brenners (and because we’re usually looking for an excuse to make anything a production), I showed up at home on Saturday evening for the arrival of the new addition. Before heading to the airport for my dad and his pet carrier filled with poop (and a puppy), my mom opened a bottle of wine and a pack of grocery store sushi for the two of us.

The cats hung out with us on the deck out back (since the grocery store sushi is arguably not real fish, they were mostly disinterested) for this last supper, with no idea that their innocent cat lives would soon be thrown into a tumultuous new vortex of different food in different food bowls that (they would soon find out) is not for cat consumption and will only make them vomit on the carpet (more than they already do).

As we should have anticipated sooner, the dog-naming emails had slowed down to a trickle after we had all done our best to pull out each other’s eyeballs over the internet. (Don’t worry; my sister still had time to point out that Tillie is the name of our dead step-great-grandmother, and therefore an inappropriate name for a new puppy— her final words on the subject were “If you name that dog Tillie I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL REVOLT.”) So in the climate of a family email revolt, we all mutually/dismissively decided the pressure was on my dad to make the final decision and save our family from permanent dysfunction. Or at least from its current dysfunction.

When my dad was a kid, he had a dog named Sparky who used to jump the fence and run away. Which means, pretty shortly, he had no dog named Sparky (which is a stupid name for a dog, and totally justifies my family’s desire to intervene this time around). After Sparky’s last (successful) bid for freedom, my dad never had another dog. But not because he didn’t want one. He definitely wanted another dog. A German Shepherd. Named Rin Tin Tin (thankfully, he passed his love of movies and pop culture on tenfold to his children). And even though my dad grew up without Rin, married a woman who hates dogs, and learned to put up with a type of animal whose poop stays indefinitely inside the house for you to deal with, he did not let go of the Rin Tin Tin dream.

So once the Great Brenner Family Dog-Naming Email Revolt of 2011 fizzled, my dad suggested a new name: Rinnie.

Rinnie, my parents’ new Corgi, is not necessarily the opposite of a male German Shepherd (luckily for my dad, my mom has never expressed any interest in Toy Poodles or Bijons, or something equally as fluffy). For all intensive purposes, she’s close enough. And, eventually, she’ll poop outside.

Although we all agreed that, if each of us had the opportunity to name our own dog it would probably land on Toula or Gidget or Cho Chang (or Rinnie Tin Toula—which my mom insisted on calling the puppy from the moment she entered the house anyway), “Rinnie” is Dad’s dog. And if he wants to name his dog after a celebrity animal from the 1930s, that’s probably about as fitting as it’s going to get.

When the name was finally chosen and my mom had put a moratorium on further discussion, we all got the following email from my sister:

“I’m going to call her Rin and Rinnerz for fun (and to eliminate her sounding like Whinnie the Pooh). GET USED TO THAT, DAD.”

Embrace live music & dance

2011-06-26T22:54:00.002-04:00

Recently, I've been looking for funny stories; looking for excuses to come back here A YEAR LATER (thank you to Fancy and Passion for rocking it). I keep hoping something particularly interesting will happen in the work bathroom so I can then also blog about all those small, barely awkward things that happen in the work bathroom all the time and everyone will be like LOL I KNOW RIGHT.

But of course, life doesn't work that way. So instead, last night I was innocently at Iota, meeting a long-lost friend (seriously, I don't think I've laid eyes on her in two years) who was up for a musical adventure to see Ben Sollee, a gawgeous folksy cellist. I've particularly fallen for Ben because as I scoured YouTube for videos of his music, I stumbled across two videos that particularly featured dancers. Any musician who supports dancers as much as dancers obsessively use music as their artistic inspiration (duh!) is automatically a billion times cooler in my book.

About an hour into the show, when everything is really gelling and the audience is properly loosened, Ben said something about how little pockets of people would dance for a second, then stop, and the group of people next to them would dance for a second, then stop, and the shiver would be passed around the crowd. And I yelled out like an idiot (because who doesn't just yell out random crap at concerts?!) like "Yay dancers! Tell us about the dancers in your music videos!"

I was way the hell in the back. I was literally leaning up against the back wall, behind a center vertical separation wall which is annoying in Iota and pretty much blocks half of the audience's view from oh I don't know THE PERSON YOU'RE THERE TO SEE.

Somehow anyway, Ben heard me, and was like "What about dancers?" And I was tipsy and totally did not remember the name of the song for the music video I had seen and I yelled out over the entire crowd, like, "You know? The one with choreography? There's a woman? And there is dancing?" And he was all like "Ha was I THERE? A music video with women? What?" And I was all like "With the STRINGS! THE STRINGS!" (she's dancing with strings in the music video) and I'm sure he assumed I meant like stringed instruments and was thinking "duh I'm a cellist stupid drunk chick of course there were strings" and laughed and made some other joke and carried on with the next song.

During the next song, some woman came up to me and said "The music video you were thinking of was Embrace, I'm not going to yell it out or anything, but you can." And then just to be sure I did a quick iPhone YouTube search of "Ben Sollee Embrace" and there it was! Come on BEN! You don't remember all your music videos and cherish their memories and know what I'm talking about? You should be prepared for every random outburst at your live shows by refreshing your own personal history in your brain!

So since the Internet had been both the source of this downfall and also answered all the simple questions I had, I turned to it again to attempt to correct my live show faux pas.

I tweeted. I @-replied Ben. Sure did!

"@bensollee The great thing about Iota - I yelled out and didn't expect you to hear! I was talking about the video for Embrace!"

Long after the amazing show had ended, I had walked through Clarendon, had refused to make eye contact with young men who made comments about how they loved the color yellow (I was wearing a yellow dress), had hailed a cab and finally got home and fell asleep, Ben got back to me. Yay Twitter! (Twitter is pretty much the reason why I have no problem referring to him on a first-name basis in this blog post.)

"@emmajoan Oh yeah, she's a principal dancer for the North Carolina Dance Theater... she did a great job performing in that tiny space."

Now the thing is, that is totally kind and sweet of him to actually dignify my show-awkwardizing comment + tweet, and he had complimentary words for the dancer, but I still have a little issue with this whole thing:

A) The dancer and/or choreographer were not mentioned in the credits of the YouTube video. The director was, and the musician was of course, and probably even the producer, but not the performer?

B) He still did not name her in his Tweet.

Look, dancers are performers too who thrive off of getting their actual name out there! Use it! Flaunt it! Be proud of working with other artists!

But that is a rant that I will save for my dance blog, which I have not posted on in oh, six months.

Now go watch the Embrace video and go see Ben Sollee if you get a chance because he's adorable and extremely talented and this videography is really gorgeous.

My Butt Would Look So Much Better With a Bustle

2011-06-08T20:30:00.000-04:00

Right?!

Okay, maybe not. It can be a little extreme, don't you think?

Throughout my life, the fashions of other eras have fascinated me. I can easily pinpoint each style and time period to what I was reading or watching at the time:

1st grade onward: The Sound of Music = just below the knee skirt that twirled (words cannot express how devastated I was that the Party Store didn't carry Liesl or Brigitta costumes for Halloween)
3rd/4th grade: American Girl Felicity books = bonnets and petticoats
5th/6th grade: Gettysburg = hoop skirts (achieved this during Halloween)
7th grade: Singin' in the Rain = flapper dresses (another Halloween success)
8th grade onward: Anne of Green Gables series and Road to Avonlea = Edwardian dresses

I think my most recent style obsession is much more conventional: Mad Men and those beautiful dresses. I would happily accept the wardrobe of Betty Draper, though maybe not her life.

Today there is a pretty wide variety of fashion that is seen as acceptable and some of the previously mentioned styles have maneuvered their way into current clothing. I remember feeling so excited when puffed sleeves on blouses appeared, fulfilling my Anne of Green Gables dreams. And I could easily get away with a 1960s style dress at work and a 1920s inspired frock for a night out. Hoop skirt? Not so much.

Part of my obsession with vintage fashion stems from my love of pretty clothes; the other part comes from my desire to live in another era. I don't always feel comfortable in this millenial generation:

I'm not a fan of texting.
I don't/can't tan. (Back in the day, fair skin was prized, as a tan meant you worked outside.)
I'm quite reserved.
I prefer organized parties. You know, where I could go meet the new residents of Netherfield Park. None of this bar/club shenanigans.
I want to have visitors come calling and offer them cake and tea that I've already prepared!

Maybe I've just been watching and reading too many period dramas lately, which, of course, romanticize the very eras I so wish to belong to.

Now, there are plenty of reasons why I'm perfectly happy right where I am, such as with the rights I have now as a woman. Although my career aspirations as a writer could totally have worked in the 19th century, as long as I had a good male nom de plume. But as I said, I would not want the life of Betty Draper.

I'll just have to add in traces of yesteryear into my own life. I've been doing some vintage accessories shopping on Etsy. A necklace or a scarf are great ways to add some flair. And whenever I get a hankering to live the good old days, I'll just pull out my handy-dandy Kindle and read some good old classics. (Or my first edition Anne of the Island.)

On Dieting

2011-06-06T11:14:00.003-04:00

This article was written for the healthy-living blog, Eats, Love and Happiness.

As I sat down to start writing, I crammed into my mouth a cheesy, oily, fluffy breadstick that came with the Italian takeout I picked up for dinner tonight. And as I was about to do the same with the second one, my fitbloggin brain stopped me. It seems that in the healthy-living media world, carbs are the devil’s snack, and I would have been much better off if my takeout had come with a side of homemade roasted chickpeas or warm quinoa salad instead.

As a former cross country runner and group fitness instructor, I’ve always been conscious of the food I eat. In high school it was all about carb loading at team pasta dinners the night before a race. In college, it was all about making salads, and the effort to avoid the freshman 15. And as a group fitness instructor, it was all about monounsaturated fats vs. polyunsaturated fats vs. trans fats, etc. Needless to say, I’ve run the gamut of fitness and health related diets.

And now, as a social mediaite and blogger, all of these worlds are colliding and smacking me square in the forehead. On top of everything I thought I already knew about healthy living and nutrition, I’m finding out more about products (coconut oil vs. olive oil) and recipes [substitute quinoa in recipes that call for rice, pasta, etc. -- it’s the miracle food! (see these blog post comments)] and popular diets (“paleo” -- see below). Simply put: I’m overwhelmed.

Over the past year, I’ve been blogging and reading and Whole Fooding like a champ to strive for a healthy lifestyle with increased energy, fitness, and, ultimately, happiness. I’ve read a lot of your stories, and eaten a ton of quinoa, and incorporated spinach into every meal short of dessert (never say never). But I have to admit, I don’t feel much different.

And it got me thinking -- is this actually working? Am I really “healthier” than I was when I was eating spaghetti for dinner two to three times a week? And most importantly -- does it make sense for someone who loves food as much as I do to cut out the things I love most? If my ultimate goal is happiness, shouldn’t I eat spaghetti and chocolate frequently?

I know how the saying goes -- “everything in moderation.” I know many of you will want to tell me that I should of course still eat spaghetti, but in moderation. OK. But during the non-moderation times, what should my core diet be?

My beloved boyfriend has been trying a “paleo” (aka “caveman”) diet for the last month. It was suggested to him as a challenge by his crossfit instructor, and essentially means he only eats what the cavemen ate -- meat, fish, veggies, fruit, and nuts; no dairy, grains, or refined sugars. I’ve been to a few of his crossfit classes and they are excellent. The trainer is not only a well qualified crossfit instructor, but he also understands how to guide people without making them feel uncomfortable, and offer modifications to those who need them. I could write several other posts about crossfit, but for now I’ll say it’s an extremely healthy and productive exercise plan, with an emphasis on setting and reaching goals. That being said, I think it is smart for my bf to take nutritional advice from his trainer, as long as he (my bf) understands his own body and doesn’t just jump into things without thinking about them. And with everything that I’ve learned about health and nutrition over the past 10 years, the paleo diet does seem like a pretty healthy option. BUT but but but but -- no grains means NO quinoa. Whaaa??? I thought quinoa was the miracle food?? The only non-animal product with all the essential amino acids? And all the nutrients!!! The crossfit trainer says that quinoa is no good because it’s a grain. I’m befuddled.

Now, I don’t necessarily think the crossfit dude is really saying quinoa is BAD BAD NO IT'S A GRAIN BAD STAY AWAY -- clearly we are no longer cavemen (or cavewomen...yay feminism), so it may have a totally legitimate place in our modern diets. But it IS interesting if quinoa is categorized with other grains such as rice because I tend to live and breathe by it, but tend to stay away from other grains.

Do you ever feel like there is too much information out there? I am struggling with figuring out what it really means to have a healthy diet.

So, I leave it to you:

Paleo -- yay or nay?
Spaghetti -- really that bad?
Core diet of a true healthy-living blogger -- emphasis on protein or emphasis ongetting the correct amount of each food group?
And, the one I am most hoping you will respond to: QUINOA -- the miracle food or just another pesky grain??

On Naming a Puppy

2011-05-09T15:18:00.011-04:00

Please enjoy this special guest post from a special guest writer, who, for our purposes, we'll call "OhMyTwin."

***

FROM: April 7, 2011

I told myself I’d start writing again when I had something to write about. It’s been two years. I guess that’s the amount of time it takes to realize if you’ve got nothing to write about, you need to start writing about nothing.

Because the nothing is so overwhelming right now, it feels pretty important that my parents are getting a puppy (more accurately: my dad is getting a puppy; my mom has three cats that love to pee on the entire house when they’re threatened or bored). There are a lot of potential problems with this decision, but my present cause for concern is the incredible interest we’ve all taken in naming the puppy. My sister lives in Philly—decidedly out of the house. I’m not quite as far, maybe, but I’m far enough to know that my dad should name that puppy whatever he wants to name that puppy because he’s the one who will spend all retired day and all retired night in the house with that puppy, attempting to teach it not to shit in the foyer even with three cats suggesting it’s pretty much a free range.

Here was the first email from my sister, after she’d vetoed my mom’s pick (Cho Chang), and my dad’s choices (some Yiddish-influenced human names like Shayna):

Veruca Salt
Toula (!!!!!)
Oprah
Topanga (omg Aileen)
Nessa
Dobby
Liz Lemon
Yoko (just kidding)
Pippin
Columbia
Magenta
Janet
Dr. Scott
Janet
Brad
Rocky
Patty Mayonnaise (only Aileen will get this)
Pelly

I'm only really serious about Toula. But I would totally name a pet Pips, Pippin, or Topanga. Or Liz Lemon, my role model.

Several hours later, this followed:

Topanga is actually my top choice. Too bad Mom and Dad didn't grow up watching Boy Meets World. And that they don't love Los Angeles.

And, then, my dad:

I know about TV Topanga. I believe she's the one who finally got married.

In the next few days, my mom and dad moved on to suggest: Her Majesty, Tillie (short for Her Majesty Matilda), Fanny, Luna, and Gidget.

"Gidget" had been a top choice several days prior to the emails. We were doing what all well-adjusted immediate families do when all their members are in the same city at the same time to go out to dinner and are told there’s a 45-minute wait for a table—sitting in my parents’ parked car, sharing three paper cups, and drinking a bottle of wine my mom had picked up at Balducci’s earlier because it looked pretty good for a $15 bottle with a screw top. I said I felt pretty good about naming a Corgi something that makes me feel like getting ready for the summer's raddest bonfire on the beach with Moon Doggy. My dad said, “I must, I must, I must increase my bust.”

Eventually we decided to go wait inside the restaurant lobby like Americans.

The thing is…I like pretty much all of these names. I’m not going to pretend I don’t share the special delusions that only an immediate family can share. My only official vote (after Cho Chang was off the table) was for Fanny, but that was mostly because I felt like it was the underdog in the competition, and if there’s anything my dad taught me, it’s to root for the underdog when you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

The puppy is less than a month away. My sister put in another bid for Gidget earlier tonight. I sent out an email suggesting Ingrid Bergman, but apparently nobody else thought that was funny.

Addendum.
When I asked my sister to read my account of the puppy naming, she commented the following:

"What does location have to do with naming a puppy? Even if you were in Abu Dhabi and I was in Botswana I think we all would have done the same thing."

I have no doubt that she's right. I have several doubts about moving to Abu Dhabi.

Like, OMGlee!

2011-05-04T15:07:00.008-04:00

Last week at lunch, one of my coworkers pondered out loud:

"How can Joanna like Glee so much? She’s so smart!"

I get asked why I like Glee so much a lot, actually, and I can’t say I blame the questioners. It’s likely disconcerting that my discussions can transition so fluidly between the successful nuances of my favorite box office classics (i.e. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, E.T., Hook, etc.), and the pending drama foreshadowed for Puckleberry on next week's SUPER NEW TOTALLY EXCITING SUSPENSE-FILLED episode of Glee. Disconcerting slash annoying.

I get why people hate Glee. The producers are trying to do too many things. They try to shove messages down our throats in the most cliched way possible, and they don't appear to give a shit about what it does to the actual integrity of the show. Each week the characters stand on a soap box, feeding us their views on hard-hitting teenage (pop)culture relevancy. Bullying. Alcoholism. Lady GaGa being proud of the weird freak that she is. And it doesn’t matter that it’s completely irresponsible for a Spanish teacher to suggest to a guidance counselor that she let all the students know she’s struggling with a serious and private anxiety disorder and taking medication, as long as somebody learns something and Brittany and Mike Chang get to show of their sick dance skillz.

As an actual TV show, it's a good idea that went really wrong and got too into itself.

But …

I love it.

At the end of the day, it’s a television show about show choir. It's a musical. It’s a musical about musicals. A meta musical, if you will. I’m surprised it took folks this long to think up something this brilliant.

Now I know not everyone grew up listening to songs from Oliver! and The Sound of Music on vinyl, and begging their parents to play “Master of the House” in the car on the way to the beach. But it’s about dang time musical theater found a place with us outside of the actual theater. And as irresponsible as the themes and plot lines may be from time to time, I think we can all find a little bit of ourselves in each character. Glee just exaggerates those traits a bit.

Plus, every song the Warblers sing is better than the original. And only Brittany S. Pierce would mistake dolphins for gay sharks and hide her diary from her cat, Lord Tubbington (who she knows hasn't quit smoking like he promised he would; cigarettes are bad).

I know that Glee is not screenwriting brilliance, but it’s a freaking 60-minute musical every week. I love it. Deal.

From the Perspective of a Royal Wedding Enthusiast

2011-04-28T22:15:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow is the Royal Wedding, a big, exciting event full of tradition, history, and romance. But it seems that a lot of people are tired of it. I guess I can't blame them, what with the story's oversaturation in the media for the past six months.

I, however, am overwhelmed with excitement. I will be one of those people getting up at 5am (not 3:30am though, my body can't take that) to check out everyone arriving at the church, to watch the ceremony, and to catch William and Kate's (or should I say, Prince William and Princess Catherine?) first kiss on the balcony of Buckingham Palace.

So why am I so fascinated?

The Royal Wedding is a culmination of everything I love most: Britain, princesses, and pomp and circumstance. That's the best way I can describe it when people give me that weird look and think I'm crazy for wanting to get up so early in the morning to watch two people I don't know get married.

They still laugh at me.

I don't understand why so many girls can't relate to my obsession. In pretty much every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, the bride-to-be exclaims, "I feel like a princess!" when finding the dress of her dreams. And here, with the Royal Wedding, is a regular girl actually becoming a real-life princess. Am I the only one who is jealous?

Okay, I'm not really jealous. I would only want to be a princess for the title, not for all the baggage that comes with it. I've decided that I would be happy with the title of Duchess or Countess instead. Much less pressure.

I'm not asking for everyone to love the Royal Wedding as much as I do. In fact, I don't want them too. (It would take away from my own pomp and circumstance of being the royalty lover.) I'm just hoping that my perspective will open the naysayers up to what this event is like for someone like me. I want the Debbie Downers to hold their tongues for just a day and let me enjoy this event.

And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to bed so I can get up early tomorrow morning! (I'll be Skype-ing in to a party being thrown by my friends in Edinburgh so I can watch with them!)

Body Image: Size Doesn't Matter

2011-04-07T20:43:00.001-04:00

In a recent class discussion on the Dove Beauty Campaign, a campaign striving to reinforce a healthy body image for women with the "Embrace Your Curves" slogan, a classmate pointed out that the campaign was aimed at women sizes 6 and higher and showed women of those sizes (actually only sizes 6 to 14) in its campaign ads. I countered, asking what about women who were smaller sizes who have a bad body image? Shouldn't they be included in the campaign? No one had a good response.

In our society, when people hear the term size 0 woman, they seem to think one of two things. One, they hold that woman in disdain, because clearly that woman is too skinny for her own good and must have an eating disorder. No one can naturally be a size 0. Or two, they secretly envy her because they assume she can eat whatever she wants. Well, let me share you the life of a size 0.

Oh wait, I sometimes can't even fit that size anymore! I would like to say a huge thank you (not) to the stores that use vanity sizing for edging me out of professional clothing and only being able to fit into juniors clothing. My weight has been steady since high school (until last year where I unintentionally lost a few more pounds), yet my size in stores went from a 4 to a 0. When I shop, I'm embarrassed to ask if the store has a size 00 because the 0 I thought would fit me is too big. Most women want to be that smaller size number; it makes them feel better. However, being a size that is barely carried in many stores stinks. And the psychological feeling of being a zero does nothing for my body image.

Everyone likes to pull out the fact that Marilyn Monroe was a voluptuous size 12. However, that was fifty years ago when size charts went by much different dimensions. Back then, the average waist size was 24-25 inches, compared to 34-35 inches today. My waist is 24 inches. (Marilyn's was 23 inches.) According to these measurements, I'm perfectly average and not too skinny. (More of this is discussed in a blog post on WebMD entitled, "Just What IS an Average Woman's Size Anymore?".)

Being a size 0 is full of contradictory assumptions. We're skinny, so we shouldn't complain about body image because skinny is the ideal marketed to us. Yet, the above-mentioned blogs and other sources say things like, "Whenever I hear zero I can't help but envision an invisible woman," as if we're not real people.

I don't complain about my body, but I have certainly had moments where I don't like the way I look. It hurts my feelings when people complain about models and celebrities only weighing such-and-such when I weigh that much too. I don't try to be the weight and size that I am; it's just the way I am, the way I'm built. I get the impression that some people assume that it's impossible for a woman to naturally be a size 0, but that's simply not true. And being told that I'm invisible doesn't make me feel very good. Who likes to be referred to as invisible? And it isn't my fault. Blame the fashion designers who create the size charts.

It stinks that women have so much pressure to look perfect when, really, there is no perfect. Society seems to find fault with women's bodies at any size. We all need to look past the labels and numbers and just accept each other as we are.

It's all about me right now

2011-04-03T14:28:00.000-04:00

I just had a great realization. It's one that I've said about my life before, but I don't know if I really meant it or not. Now I know that I do.

I don't want to be in a relationship right now.

There, I said it. Scandal! What? A girl who doesn't want to be in a relationship?

So, what's going on in my life to make me not want a boyfriend?

1) It's all about me. I have a lot going on right now with my own life: full time job, part time school, activities with friends, my new dedication to taking care of my body with healthy food and yoga. I know I could just slip in a boyfriend somewhere, but the one thing I really value is my personal time. As an introvert, I really need my alone time in order to recharge myself and to enjoy the other activities going on in my life. This time in my life is the one moment where I can be selfish. I'm going to revel in it.

2) I'm socially satisfied. Actually, I might even be socially overwhelmed. In looking over my schedule for the past few weekends and the upcoming ones, I'm completely booked! Frequently, I'm booked up during the week too. It's hard enough finding time to do homework, let alone spending that time with another person. I'm getting to do the activities I want to do with my friends. I'm also meeting new people fairly often, which gives me more social opportunities. I'm not upset over a lack of boyfriend because I don't have someone to rely on constantly as a companion.

3) Freedom. I have complete control over my schedule. I don't need to worry about coordinating with another person's calendar all the time. I don't have to answer to anyone other than myself. If I want to go to London this August, I can. I won't have someone whining that I'm abandoning him.

I also realized that the reason I felt the need to be in a relationship is from other people. I found myself succumbing to outside pressures. However, 2011 so far has been a great year for self-reflection and I have been able to cut out a lot of the negativity that I felt around me.

I don't want to discount the potential of a relationship if it comes around, but I'm certainly not out seeking one.

I have accomplished a lot lately with a lot of healthy self-satisfaction. I have also had plenty of people to share in my happiness. No, life isn't perfect; it never will be. But life is very pleasing right now and I am so excited for the joys that will be coming later this year and many years to come.

How do I abolish negative thoughts?

2011-03-23T17:30:00.006-04:00

I'm not smart enough.

I'm too skinny.

He thinks I'm pretty, but dumb.

He thinks I won't succeed at grad school.

She thinks I'm making bad choices.

He likes her more than me.

I shouldn't have said that.

I'll never meet someone I love.

These are just some of the obsessive, nagging thoughts that circle my mind. Yes, everyone has these thoughts, but some people seem much better at banishing them from their minds. I, on the other hand, wallow in them. I don't try to do so. It's not like I even have oodles of free time for my mind to roam. But once one of these thoughts enters my mind, it's difficult for me to focus on anything else.

So, how to get rid of them?

I feel like I can predict what OhMyHeart would tell me: "yoga!" in her enthusiastic voice. Yes, it can be helpful and it's an activity that I've ignored for two months and really should get back into practicing regularly. But unfortunately, as much as I would like to, I can't stop, drop, and tree pose in the middle of work. They already think I sit in weird positions; who knows what they'll think if I start doing sun salutations in the hallway.

Next she would tell me (clearly I've already complained about this to her since I'm predicting her responses): "journal!" in that same enthusiastic voice of hers. Now, one would think that, as a writer, I would love journaling, that I would journal my little heart out. Not so true. I will admit that writing out the situations and feelings that are upsetting to me can be helpful. I've done many a late night purge of writing letters that will never be written to people who have hurt me. But the truth is that the act of writing down my negative feelings is SCARY. I've had journals for years, but they're filled with crushes and story ideas and class schedules, not my deepest, darkest secrets. When I went through a difficult time from the age of 10 until 15, I never spoke or wrote about it. I can talk about it now, but no one knew what I went through at the time, not even the spiral bound diaries that still litter my bookshelves.

My current favorite way (especially for when a person sticks in my thoughts) is getting revenge through fiction. I want to be a novelist, so I have a tendency of putting real life conversations into stories I write. Nothing of mine has been published, so that hasn't been a problem, but sometimes I wonder. What if this novel does get published... will these real life people recognize themselves in the characters? Will they realize that they are the villains? Is it evil that I'm smiling right now at this idea?

Does anyone out there have suggestions? I know a few people who would tell me (and have told me) meditation and breathing exercises, but I'm really bad at focusing my mind unless it's at the end of a yoga session.

As for what to do if I ever get published... maybe I'll add those people in the acknowledgements. After all, our real life scenes helped me to land a book deal!

Confession of a Healthy-Living Blogger, Part 2

2011-03-14T21:23:00.009-04:00

At the moment, there’s a Potbelly bag seeping pickle juice onto my filing cabinet and a giant chocolate brownie cookie waiting to be unwrapped atop my desk. I’m sipping my second frothy cup of creamer-infused French Roast coffee and trying to hold off on snagging the last bag of company-sponsored Cheez-its from our kitchen.

Let’s face it -- we live in a food-obsessed society. It’s in our refrigerators, pantries and purses; on our desks, nightstands, beds, TVs, and increasingly -- on our computers.

As I alluded to in part one of this post, it was easy for me to fall in love with the healthy-living blogging community. As a former runner and group fitness instructor raised by a Jewish mother, these blogs fuse two things that seep from the very core of my soul (you don’t have enough fingers to count the amount of times I use the word “foodgasm” each day). I have a deceivingly large appetite for my size, and I like to quench it with savory sides of all kinds (pasta salad = god). But that also means that exercising regularly and making sure I consume a sufficient amount of each food group daily, is key.

Not only are so many of the women who comprise the healthy-living blogging community just like me, but they also introduce me to tons of healthy recipes that don’t sacrifice flavor. Reading their blogs is relaxing, inspiring and informative. But, the only problem is ...

In general (don’t hate me), I think blogs do have the ability to be extremely dangerous. Bloggers do not need to accurately represent themselves, present any credentials, legitimate or otherwise, and can be, in my opinion, self-professed experts. That’s not to say that some of them are not truthful and honest and helpful. But how does the reader know? On the other hand, professional journalists can be just as unscrupulous.

But does this mean I think following the travails of Caitlin and Katy and Amanda are going to make me relapse? Heck no.

Like I said, we live in a food-obsessed society. Food and exercise obsession are everywhere, not just on blogs. The key is to be able to rise above the media hype and figure out what is going to make you healthiest and happiest, without risking your well-being.

Part of getting over my struggle included meeting with a nutritionist and learning to read the signs my body gives me on a daily basis. For example, if I’m hungry … it means I should eat. If I eat a meal and I’m still hungry after … it means I should eat more.

My nutritionist and family members helped me learn to approach what I saw on TV and read in magazines with a critical eye, knowing that every body is completely different. They helped me learn the importance of media literacy.

One of the biggest problems we, as a society, face is gullibility. You don’t have to be Einstein to know that eating the correct amount of healthy foods and exercising as much as one’s body can accept is what you should be doing. But, unfortunately, some gullible people are ripe for being exploited. They take what they read and run with it. But that’s not Caitlin and Katy and Amanda’s fault.

So who’s fault is it that this ridiculous obsession with food and fitness can spiral into disordered eating? Parents? Peers? School administrators, for not making media literacy a required part of school curricula?

I don’t know, but I hope my story can inspire women who are struggling with an eating disorder to find the strength to rise above, without blaming it on the healthy-living blogging community -- a community that I have really grown to love.

Confessions of a Healthy-Living Blogger, Part 1

2011-03-01T09:07:00.005-05:00

On Valentine's Day, the kitchen I share with my roommates drowned in a downpour of chocolates. Chocolates with truffle centers. Chocolates with cherry centers. Chocolates with creme fillings and mousse fillings and hazelnut fillings and every other filling that reminds us, on Valentine's Day, it's okay for chocolates to mean love. And every time I passed an open box of chocolates (raspberry filling, vanilla filling, caramel filling, nougat filling), all I could see was the look of confusion on my mother’s face when, in 1998, she offered me a single M&M and I started to cry.

Strange place to make this confession, maybe, but in light of what I think is a very important and relevant topic, I’m (...deep breath...) coming out with it:

At the extremely tender age of 11, I was diagnosed with anorexia. Anorexia, like all eating disorders, comes in all sorts of variations. I won’t go into too many details, but I will tell you that I never actually thought I was fat (with the exception of my thighs); my struggle was in comparing myself to what I saw in magazines, and what I saw in the hallways of Middletown Middle School.

Though most people around me eventually started to notice, I was reluctant to tell my close friends (especially my best friend) about my struggle, because I knew they wouldn’t understand … and possibly even get mad. You see, I’ve always been quite small; I’ve always been able to wrap my thumb and index finger completely around my wrists. Many of my peers and family members had difficulty understanding how I could look in the mirror and see anything but a fabulously slender girl in my reflection. But I envied the happiness and popularity my best friend possessed, and I figured having skinny legs just like her was the way I could also achieve that kind of popularity, which was, unfortunately, vastly important to me.

Maybe it's a cliched excuse, but it was a combination of my best friend’s legs and images in the media that made me fixate on my thighs.

And once you adopt the eating disordered mindset, it’s a swift downward spiral of calorie counting and limb scrutinization and exercise compensation and M&M guilt and, especially, over-comparison. Whatever activity my best friend did, I wanted to do it twice as well. Whatever new celebrity exercise trend I read about in Tiger Beat, I wanted to exercise it twice as hard.

My struggle with anorexia lasted just about a year, relatively short of the average length. My road to recovery began with me, realizing I couldn’t keep spending all my time worrying about the size of my legs. After I approached my parents with my tearful confession, the rest of the nutritionist- and therapist-filled days were difficult, but I eventually emerged as a much healthier, fitter, and mentally stronger woman, with a very happy disposition toward delicious, succulent food. I eat when I’m hungry, and enjoy every second of it. I eat and enjoy healthy meals that don’t sacrifice flavor, and focus daily on consuming as close to the recommended amount of each food group as possible.

Phew. Perhaps I should change my blog alias to OhMyConfessions.

So like I said, I make this confession in light of some major controversy that transpired a few months ago within the healthy-living blogosphere, in which I am an active participant.

When I first discovered there was major controversy over the danger of healthy-living blogs (when I started actively following Eats, Love and Happiness, a food and fitness blog founded by an ambitious and inspiring friend of mine -- shameless plug for an awesome woman), I had mixed reactions.

REACTIONS REVEALED IN PART 2, COMING SOON TO LIKE, OH MY BLOG!

Hello. Is it Me You're Looking For?

2011-02-07T20:11:00.005-05:00

Toward the end of the book I just finished reading, ex-big-shot-lawyer Emily Haxby spent the entirety of a week watching reality TV and sleeping on her couch, too tired and drained from her cocoon of depression to eat anything other than slices of bread, or even move the 10 feet from her couch to her bed (in her studio apartment) to go to sleep at night.

At some point or another, we all just fall apart.

Well actually, I can’t speak for everyone, but even without expert sociological knowledge, I think it’s pretty safe to say that the quarterlife crisis is ubiquitous for 20-somethings – and it can get you good.

Time for a little self-disclosure. As some of you might recall from previous LOMB posts, I’ve been feeling quarterlife crisisy ever since I graduated college. It started out as your typical post-collegiate why-don’t-I-have-my-dream-job and why-am-I-single-I-need-to-go-to-bars-constantly blues. Even though I knew I was graduating into “the worst economy since the Great Depression” and was only 21, I still thought I’d be one of the lucky ones. As a print journalism major with a well-built resume and seven yearbooks under my belt (yearbook nerd, what WHAT), I was actually excited to graduate. Well of course you can guess that after being rejected from my dream job at National Geographic Kids Magazine, I entered my very own cocoon of depression, a la Emily Haxby – except mine lasted longer than a week.

I won’t take you through the entire Twittertastic story because it would take too long (though I will at some point blog about the SPLC and Twitter, and how they fused to help fuel the passion behind my free speech advocacy), but I finally scored my “dream job” this past August, and it was supposed to be the magical fix, as I shared with you back in October.

But now, even after five months of using skills I majored in to advocate for student free speech, AND meeting and falling in love with the man of my dreams (yes, several future LOMB posts in the works), I find myself in the midst of an existential life crisis for which I cannot seem to find the solution.

I ask myself every day to think of things that might help, and the answers are always the same: Exercise more. Get back into teaching group fitness classes. Cook more. Write more. Read more. Follow the advice of the women who write for Stratejoy.

Will these things actually help? I can’t ever be completely positive but they are certainly worth a shot.

Those who have followed us here on LOMB from the beginning will notice that the OhMy’s went on hiatus for the better part of 2010. Some of us have gotten new jobs, moved to new cities, gotten new boyfriends, broken up with boyfriends, and even started graduate school. We’ve all been going through some pretty hefty life changes. But we’re back, baby!

So please join me, along with the rest of the OhMy’s as we re-establish Like, Oh My Blog! To take you on our journey of conquering the world through food, love, health and happiness as media-savvy twenty-somethings; one quarterlife crisis at a time.

A Cup of Inspiration Tea in a Princess Mug

2011-01-18T22:34:00.007-05:00

The title of this blog post came about simply due to the fact that I'm drinking raspberry (zinger!) tea right now, in my favorite Cinderella mug. I do hope though, that some sort of inspiration follows, even if it's only for me.

If you couldn't tell from the first sentence in the above paragraph (or potentially from my other posts), I kind of have this princess thing going on. I was the girl in preschool who always had painted fingernails and a pretty dress. I am the girl who, one day, hopes to wear a tiara and have no one judge me for it.

What do princessdom and inspiration have to do with one another? The following quote should help to explain:

Because the princess thing is amazing. It's about standing up for what you believe in, protecting the people you love, and never letting the bad guys win. It's about rescuing yourself, and yet risking your heart when you meeting someone worth giving it to."

This is from author Meg Cabot's blog, from this post entitled "The Princess Thing". (She wrote The Princess Diaries series, so she's well-versed in all things princess.) She hit the nail on the head for me.

I think a lot of us ambitious girls hit a point somewhere in our twenties where our lives just seem to fall apart - our careers and relationships aren't we thought we would be. I know that I feel as if I lost myself somewhat last year due to both of the aforementioned. Sometimes I stop myself and realize, how did I turn into this person that I have never been and never wanted to become?

This is where Meg's statement comes in. I've decided it's to be my mantra for 2011 because frankly, at some moment or another during 2010, I allowed myself to fail somehow at each of these points.

So what am I going to do about it? Because I can say it's my mantra for 2011 all I want, but it doesn't mean anything unless I give a few concrete examples:

1) Protect the people you love: If someone insults someone I care about, I'm not going to stand there, silent and dumbfounded.

2) Never let the bad guys win: Yep, I wrote that email tonight to the leasing office about the noise level from my upstairs neighbors. I will not be the quiet one (though I will be the anonymous one).

3) Rescue myself: This one I think I have covered - go to grad school, take ballet class, do yoga, practice French, take fun trips with girlfriends...

Okay, so maybe the princess thing isn't really about tiaras and pretty dresses after all. But every princess deserves a happily ever after, and I'm not going to let anyone stand in the way of mine.

"Don't worry, you'll find someone."

2010-11-01T20:21:00.006-04:00

I'm 24. I have a good job, nice apartment, awesome friends, and just got accepted into a great Masters degree program at a prestigious school. I should have everything, right?

According to the pressure of society, nope. That's wrong.

I'm not seriously dating anyone. And that's apparently a problem.

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.
- Jane Austen, Emma

For instance, one of my bosses has a daughter my age who just got married. Maybe he just has weddings on the brain, but he is seriously bothered that I don't have a boyfriend right now and wants to find a guy for me.

I was talking to an intuitive friend who explained the rules of society to me: guys are pressured to have lots of sex with lots of girls, while girls are pressured to find a guy and get married. Even today, with all of the strides that feminism has made, it seems that the ultimate goal is to get married. We just can't help it; the idea is so programmed into our brains.

I'd made ballsy and intuitive choices in my life, sure, but when it came to love, even I wasn't impervious to the cultural messages thrusting us toward marriage, security, and babies.
- Kelly Cutrone, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside

When asked if I'm dating anyone and I give my negative answer, the response back is usually, "Don't worry, you'll find someone" as if I despair daily that I'm single. Thanks, Person-Who-Thinks-I'm-Incomplete, but I'm not lacking in opportunities.

But though I'm reluctant to fall prey to this type of thinking, I do have those dark days where I can feel like there's something wrong with me and that I'll never get married. Insecurities about myself from previous boys I dated bubble up, telling me that I may be pretty, but that's all I have to offer and no one would want to date me after getting to know me because I have nothing intelligent to say. All of those fairy tale romantic comedies creep up on me, shouting that I am failing at my own happily ever after. But then I realize that my life doesn't come with a script and a perfectly devised "meet cute" written by professional Hollywood screenwriters. I'm the only screenwriter in my life and I certainly don't have complete control over its plot, though I do come up with the occasional witty one-liner. And I remind myself of all the people that do enjoy my company and do think I'm smart and funny and more than just a trophy girlfriend.

I'm not saying I don't want to be married eventually. Society's rules still get to me, plus I want a wedding way to much. But again, I'm 24. I'm selfish and I want to live life according to my schedule. I don't really want to have to consider anyone else right now in all of my plans.

So, no. I'm not going to worry about finding someone. I'm going to focus on that grad school thing (see? smart girl here) and all those other awesome things happening in my life.

I'm Back, and Better Than Ever

2010-10-09T16:43:00.003-04:00

So, OhMyPassion has not been so passionate on LOMB lately. I know my blogging routine has fallen by the wayside, but I promise it’s for many good reasons. In November, I shared with you my fear of not doing “my thing,” when I accepted a job at a trade association in Washington, D.C. Many of you commented in support of my fear, hoping that I’d embrace the new opportunity with an open mind and make the best of it. Well … stubborn me did not do that, and I quit after seven months. Heh.

My lack of LOMB presence proves it; I can’t not do my thing. I just can’t.

So …

I’m doing it!

I started my dream job as the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education’s (FIRE’s) new public awareness associate about a month and a half ago and moved my life to Philadelphia, where I currently live with three dudes and two cats in the Art Museum area. I’d been considering moving out of the district and going north for a little while; and I’d been killing myself to work at FIRE for the better part of a year. LOMB readers know that being able to fuse my passion for the media with my passion for the First Amendment doesn’t get better for OMP.

But that’s not all …

Amidst the whirlwind career change process, I got bitten by the love bug … and it got me good. But meeting and committing to my new boyfriend wasn’t a picnic; it was a controversy of triangular proportions.

Life is changing … well, actually, more like starting. And with all these changes you can bet your bloggin’ butts that I’ve got some stories to share. Will you have me back?

The Makeover...

2010-10-05T13:23:00.007-04:00

A few weeks ago I wrote about my desire to completely make over this guy, who I am currently seeing. He was seriously committing fashion crimes and I felt the need to communicate that to him. I went as far as making an entire PowerPoint presentation for him so he could get a visual and truly understand what he was doing wrong, in a pleasant and fun way. Surprisingly, he responded very positively, and was really impressed with the work I did on my little PowerPoint presentation. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to begin the process.

Before I share any more, I need to explain something. A comment from OhMyLaughter from my last post stated: "I've never had the goal to change someone I was dating"...And I think that is a very good point. Trying to change a man is a horrible, futile idea. But its not actually 'him' that I am attempting to change. This particular guy happens to be an incredible human being, and I didn't realize how amazing he was when I first met him. He is incredibly smart(totally hot) generous, kind, loving, beyond thoughtful, and the epitome of a gentleman. And he loves Lord of the Rings. I have no desire to change who he is as a person. He has the ability to defend himself both politically and theologically, and although that may not be an important characteristic for some people, it is incredibly important to me. So back to his fashion, I spoke to him about his goals as a dresser. He said that he wanted to dress in a classy, professional, conservative and masculine manner. That's perfect...but the clothes he was wearing were not communicating those goals. They were communicating "I'm a huge nerd and have no social skills." The clothes were not aligning with who he was and that, is merely a consequence of his lack of fashion knowledge.

So this is where the real fun begins. I became his personal stylist and took him to Hugo Boss, because its a wonderful place to get almost any man genuinely excited about fashion. The clothes there are sexy, masculine, athletic, and appeal to conservative men as well as more metro-sexual men. Also, there are no female clothes to distract a woman, so I could remain focused. I walked in and felt a rush of pure adrenaline as I frantically began pulling shirts, ties, an argyle sweater, new jeans, a sports coat, and even a sweater vest from the hangers! I don't think the sales people had ever seen anything like it. I was on fire! I deliberately chose clothes that were both fashionable, as well as consistent to who he was. After choosing a pretty big selection, he made his way to the dressing room. He walked out in his first outfit, and I saw a different man. I nearly had a heart attack! It made such a difference! He continued trying on clothes. Some of the things didn't quite fit, and some things were slightly over the top...But we ended up with a fabulous foundation for his new wardrobe. New jeans, three shirts, two new ties, an insanely hot sport coat, and a sweater vest. It was such a positive experience. The sales people said they had never experienced such enthusiasm from any of their customers before...I may have gotten a little carried away.

Anyways, at the end of the day, he is still nerdy. He is still the same person, only he actually looks a lot more attractive and appealing. And, although I thought I was too cool for him in the beginning, I'm beginning to actually be "okay" with that...Sometimes nerds are actually sweeter, smarter, and cooler, than the rest...So we'll see where it goes from here. I am so happy with the success of the makeover, and can't wait to go shopping with him again.

Sidenote: Mwahahaha women have so much control its amazing.

Games, Power, and Cake

2010-09-15T14:34:00.005-04:00

I hate playing games. I hate having someone play games with me. Yet, it tends to play a recurring role in this little process called dating.

The other weekend, I met a guy at a party and at his request, I gave him my phone number. The next day, he sent me a Facebook friend request. Two days later, he called. I didn't really feel like talking, so I didn't answer and he left a voicemail. Two days after that, he called and left another voicemail (this time I legitimately missed the call). At this moment, I really don't feel like calling him back. He has now handed over entirely too much power to me by contacting me so much. Where is the fun in that?

I don't mean to sound rude, but there is absolutely no fun in dating if there's no chase. With every guy I've dated, as soon as I've had too much of the upper hand, I start to lose interest. This power struggle is part of the game-playing process and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm totally up for playing the game in the beginning stages of dating. I do pretty well at the back and forth "do I like you or not?" teasing and flirting. But that's at the stage before feelings are involved.

The game playing sometimes continues even after the dating is done. In college, I dated this one guy for a little bit, but then stopped. Unfortunately, I still had to see him Monday through Thursday in French classes. Then I tortured myself even further by having lunch with him and the rest of our little group of French majors. I say torture because he would go hot and cold with me - sometimes still flirting, sometimes texting and talking about new girls in front of me. I knew I didn't want to date him, yet I still had feelings for him, so I didn't appreciate the back and forth attitude. Yes, I easily could have removed myself from the situation, but I was still friends with the other two lunchers and enjoyed their company.

I suppose there are two types of games. There are the ones that everyone knows about when you first start dating someone: a guy shouldn't call within 24 hours of getting a girl's number at the risk of seeming too eager. Then there are the ones that people use for attention and feel more like mind games, the whole "wanting to have your cake and eat it too" idea, which can be confusing and hurtful.

But are games ever okay, even the ones that seem harmless? I didn't return that guy's calls - oh well, no big deal to me. But he could very well think that I'm a bitch who played mind games with him by giving my number but never responding. And the guy who continued to flirt with me enjoyed the attention, but could have been oblivious to the pain he was causing me by giving me false hope about our relationship.

So, lessons to the boys:

1) Don't give me too much power in the beginning because apparently I won't return your calls.
2) Don't try to have your cake and eat it too because I am seriously tired of all the cake eating. There are no more slices of OhMyFancy cake for sale.

Lessons to me?

1) I guess here is where I should say I shouldn't give false hope to the boys out there, but it all happened because I was trying to be honest, instead of using the "I have a boyfriend" lie to get out of giving my number. This is why I should be allowed to lie.
2) Stop allowing the cake to be eaten.

A little project of mine...

2010-09-08T14:04:00.004-04:00

So, I'm single now. Its fabulous, really. I don't recommend dating someone without a personality...

Since I've been single, I've met someone who intrigues me in a very unusual way. He is incredibly bright and witty and quite the gentleman. For some deep rooted psychological reason, I gravitate towards men who are slightly pathetic in some way... I always have this strange inclination to help them become better. Do any of you struggle/deal with this? It's not like I want to take care of him, but I see such great potential. I figure "if he only knew what he could work on," he'd be such an effective individual. Its really sick, and I am aware of this. And I really need to stop, but I have this one right now in whom I think I really might make a difference!

You see, he has absolutely no sense of style. He wears the same thing every day, and has apparently repeated the same combination for some crazy amount of time, like ten years. He wears double pleated cotton khaki pants, and an oversized dress shirt, usually ralph lauren or J. Crew or something preppy... DOUBLE PLEATED! I kid you not...I mean...we're in Los Angeles here...not Boston.

So, as we became friends, I started kidding him about his style. You know, making harsh blatant jokes about his fashion choices. At first, he was numb to my ceaseless ridicule. Apparently he receives comments like mine on a regular basis. After a few days, however, he began to take notice. That's when I discovered that he has been dressing like this for such a long time...Horrifying. He's not a bad looking person! He just needs a total wardrobe update...Well, I think... So, I kindly offered my fashion expertise, and told him that I've worked in Men's Fashion and would love to give him some new ideas. He offered to take me out to dinner to "further discuss the issue."

The dinner did not really result in total fashion forward themed conversation...Which was expected. It opened a few doors, however, and I realized that he had a somewhat genuine desire to learning more about fashion.

So, I've been thinking about ways to communicate some new fashionable ideas to this young man. At first I thought that it would be nice to go shopping and he could try on different things...But that might be a little overwhelming. So, I decided today: to make a powerpoint presentation. Yep, I spent a good amount of time this morning(My boss is out for the day) constructing a literal powerpoint presentation with images, links, and explanations for each. I included phrases such as "awesome" and "I know the color purple might suggest "feminine", but its actually a very masculine color." I really hope he likes it, and at least appreciates my efforts. I also hope he is willing to spend the kind of money on the clothes I have suggested...We'll see.

What I've learned about men is, they want to look good...but they usually don't care enough to actually make serious effort. And they think its "gay." Well, yes, immaculate fashion sense and homosexuality do usually go together, but it doesn't have to be like that. It doesn't have to be extreme, because men really only have so many options with clothing. But when a man dresses well, its just so sexy.

So if you are a man, and need some fashion advice, let me know. We'll see how this guy responds to my power point presentation that I just sent in an email...I really should take a "before and "after" shot.

Is this the definition of high maintenance?

2010-07-12T22:36:00.001-04:00

This isn't a proper blog post, but I had to do a poll: do the following traits add up together to portray a high maintenance girl?

- On a trip to Los Angeles, said girl brought a duffel bag carry on, a checked suitcase that ends up weighing 50 lbs, and a second suitcase just of makeup. JUST MAKEUP. Okay, I'm being harsh. Maybe her hair products were in there too. Oh and did I mention that the trip was only for FOUR days? That's it.

- At her wedding, I found her on the floor behind the head table reapplying her makeup. She had an entire bag of who-knows-what ready for her face.

- She wore a different dress for each day of her 10 day Hawaiian honeymoon.

- She complained once about her new husband not understanding how much a hair cut and color costs. Because that's how he wants to spend $250 of his hard-earned money since she's not working.

I could continue, but do I really need to?

And I'm not trying to be mean. Anyone who has read my posts here can spot my penchant for expensive clothes and purses a mile away. I fully admit to having my moments. But at least it doesn't take me half an hour to wipe off the pound of makeup I put on everyday.

The most hilarious thing is that she doesn't think she's high maintenance. So tell me: would you consider her to be the definition of high maintenance?

Why husbands get married

2010-06-29T13:47:00.001-04:00

Last weekend, I traveled with my trusty boyfriend to a friend's house on the Chesapeake Bay. They were oh so gracious hosts - somehow they invited and sustained 19 of us crazy 20-somethings.

Among the 19 guests, there were three married couples. Saturday night, under the influence of a couple glasses of wine, sitting with a group of people - including the three husbands and somehow none of the wives - I asked a question I've been dying to ask:

Why are you guys MARRIED?

I don't know where I personally stand on marriage. Some days, the idea of being part of such a broken and unnecessary institution makes me want to vom. Other days, I can't wait to romantically wear a a symbolic wedding ring.

But this is a pretty liberal, social, non-religious, urban-hip group of guys. Why - in an age of cohabitation and their clear lack of interest in raising children anytime soon - would they marry their lovers?

Their answers, obviously paraphrased:

Husband #1:
"Are you kidding me?! I had to lock that shit UP! She's a catch, and I know I'm lucky. She makes more money than me, takes care of me and of course I want to like, be holding her hand when we're old and gray."

Husband #2:
"You know why I really married my wife? Because she can hang out. She, like, can sit there and watch me play video games. If it were more socially acceptable to marry [Husband #1], then I would, because we can hang out. But it's not, so I married her. And she's great."

Husband #3:
"Ugh, when I met my wife on the first day of college I was like are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to have a crazy, wild time in college. I meet the woman of my dreams on the first day? How annoying."

So, I guess dudes know true love when they see it. It's sustaining, it's chill but it's also magical. And when they've found it, they know they have to hold on to it. Smart men.

Is it worth the investment?

2010-05-24T08:13:00.004-04:00

Nordstrom.com has an adorable royal blue shift dress, complete with a trendy floral decoration on the right shoulder. It'll go perfectly with both my yellow crocodile peep toe pumps and my ballerina blush peep toe pumps. The price is acceptable too.

Or is it?

It is Nordstrom, so I expect to pay more for higher quality. But the dress is only available online, so how do I know for sure - without trying before buying - what size will fit me best and whether it will look good on me? I guess the real question is, do I want to spend the money on the dress plus shipping if I'm only going to have to return it? Is it worth the investment of time and money?

At a cocktail party, an attractive guy with piercing blue eyes catches my own eyes. He'll go perfectly with my purple tiered dress and petite frame.

But is his price acceptable?

Like the Nordstrom dress, he looks to be of high quality. Unlike the Nordstrom dress, he doesn't come with the label of a designer department store to prove his value right off the bat.

And without knowing anything about him, how do I know if I should try him on? He may look good from afar, but on closer inspection, what if he doesn't, well, fit? Is he worth the investment to "try on" even if I may have to "return" him?

Because, let's face it, once a relationship is over, that's what you're doing - returning. The major difference is that with a relationship, you never get a full refund. Sure, you may get a store credit - you lose a little, but you also eventually gain something or someone better. You just have to decide whether he is worth the potential pain and loss of a return. (Another difference: stores don't sell damaged goods. Life sometimes does.)

I guess the moment when I realize that all of that trying on and returning was worth it is when I find a man equivalent to a Chanel flap bag: classic; formal yet relaxed; not as awe-inducing or high maintenance as an Hermes Birkin, but more rare than a Louis Vuitton Speedy.

Oh, and the Nordstrom dress? It looks great. The guy? We'll see.

Goals Vs. Measures of Success

2010-05-20T12:04:00.006-04:00

This post was inspired by a conversation with half of the LOMB women; a conversation I desperately needed to have.

It’s getting to the point where I get nervous at the thought of spending time with certain friends because I know they are just going to show off what totally awesome lives they have. Some of them want me to come visit them for that purpose, and that purpose only (unless you consider taking pineapple upside down shots at whatever local bar is considered the hot spot in the area a definitive “purpose”).

And now that their lives are so wicked sweet, they’ve got plenty of time to rattle off their bucket lists to me, as I eat the expensive rolls of sushi they made me buy for dinner (pre-getting schwasted).

It always starts with travel. Every single one of my friends wants to go to places X, Y and Z. It is of course important and ultimately fulfilling to culture yourself and expand your mind beyond these American walls. The world is here, so we should probably make it one of our goals to see it before we die.

Then it’s some kind of physical challenge. They all want to spend at least six days hiking and camping in the mountains, or run a marathon, or swim the length of the freaking Nile River. Because, you know, if Lance Armstrong can do it, so can they.

Once they’ve outlined the places they’ll go and the mountains they’ll climb, they move on to something they want to own for their home life. Some kind of decoration or lifestyle status symbol. I can’t tell you how many of my girlfriends have each told me they want to paint every room in the house that they and their husbands build together a different color. I think it’s actually an exceptional idea, but I want to yak every time I have to act like it’s the first time I’ve ever heard their totally original scheme. Either that or they are buying a boat for their lake house.

And their families. Well, you know.

It always ends with their funerals. Dismal, but true. I’ve gotten instructions from several of my friends to not have anything black at their funerals because they want people to celebrate their lives, rather than mourn. They want daisies and tulips and lilies of all different colors, and they want people to par-tay.

And there are at least five sub-goals mixed into these broad objectives. For every triathlon they want to compete in, there are 5 more motocross lessons they want to take. For every country they travel to, there are six more short books they want to write about it.

The thing is, there is nothing wrong with any of this. I’ll be more than happy for them if they accomplish these goals. But it makes me wonder: are these really goals? Or just measures of success?

I have one goal in life: to be happy with my career. I’d also like to fall in love along the way, if possible.

After that, I might dip into my friends’ ideas; if I have the money, and if I have the physical capability.

I don’t know if my heart (or stomach) can take it anymore. Because if these things are goals than apparently I am way less ambitious than I thought and if they are measures of success, then I don’t think I’ll ever be quite as successful as them.

What's in a name?

2010-05-04T16:35:00.001-04:00

Bored one day in sixth grade, I started doodling my name, but not my actual name. Nope, I was pairing my first name with the surnames of two boys on whom I had crushes. I compared them, finally deciding that I liked the traditional sound of "Taylor" over the alliteration of "Kluttz." (Plus, who wants a last name that looks and sounds like klutz?) So my decision of who to marry was decided, based on last names.

But in today's modern society, who says I have to change my name to my future husband's name? And is it actually better to keep my name as is?

According to this article, a woman's identity can be fairly dependent on her name and her status as "Mrs." The New York Times wrote the original article, about Dutch researchers who discovered that

Women who change their name at marriage make nearly $400,000 less over their lifetimes than women who do not. To add insult to injury, they are viewed as older, less educated, and unmotivated compared to women who kept their names when they tied the knot.

I wonder how fair this statement is. Does the study include only women within the workforce when discussing salary? Not to generalize or stereotype, but it seems to me that a woman who keeps her name is also more likely to want to remain in the workforce and focus on her career rather than quit a job after having kids, never to return. I know that's not always the case. A woman at my company was just promoted to VP of International Operations - she's early thirties, married, just a had a baby, and - took her husband's last name. (And she's not the type that felt she had to be a bitch to get to the top. She's super nice and fun!) I would say she's successful all around. And she's certainly not hurting when it comes to financial independence.

I like my last name, but once - if - married, I think simple acts are easier for a married couple who possess the same last name, so I would most likely change my last name to my husband's surname. The only reason I would not change my name, as I decided in high school, was if I became famous before getting married. Or if his name is atrocious or mockable.

Like Kluttz.

First Date vs. Reality TV First Date (no words necessary)

2010-04-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

Via: Data Underload #19: First Date vs. Reality TV First Date

A Good Hug

2010-04-13T10:20:00.005-04:00

I love a good hug.

I have a reputation of being more closed off when it comes to personal boundaries, but it's not really true. I love hugs and I love cuddling. Now, I'm not going to cuddle with any random person off the street. In fact, my large personal space bubble is where I get my ice queen reputation, but that bubble shrinks immensely once a person enters into my friend territory.

So what defines a good hug? And in our society, who are we culturally allowed to hug and when?

First question. To me, for a hug to be of good quality, it must include the following:

- arms wrapped all around
- a small back rub for comfort
- at least five seconds in length

- (as a girl) head placed on the chest or on the shoulder

- a sense of comfort should follow

I think these things add that extra something that you don't get from just a "hey, it was great to see you!" hug. Did I miss anything? Is there anything you prefer instead or in addition?

Second question. Who is it okay for us to hug in such a manner? Family: yes. Close friends: yes. After that, the lines get blurry.

I was upset last week over something, so OhMyHeart volunteered her bf to hug me, since he and I were in the same location and she wasn't. It was okay. But not because he isn't a good hugger. But how close are you going to hug your friend's bf? Isn't that a bit of an awkward situation? Plus our location was the office. Not the best.

Last night was also rough and I was craving a hug from a guy today. The guy I would normally go to for a comforting hug, however, is currently geographically unavailable. And OMH's bf is no longer in my office. So I went to another coworker/friend. We're definitely friends, but because of our surroundings and our male/female status, we checked to make sure no one was around before proceeding to hug. (Older coworkers love to assume that if a young guy and girl are friends, they must be dating.) And what happened?

A good hug.

He fulfilled all of my above requirements. I felt better. Although I was so amazed at his hugging ability that I missed some of the in-the-moment enjoyment of the hug.

As a strong opponent of PDA, hugs are one of my acceptable forms of public affection. I believe they are appropriate at most anytime. Work can be an exception, which is why my coworker and I wanted to ensure we weren't visible to others.

But I really want to walk back down the hall for another good hug...

Reader question: Are facebook friend requests the new phone numbers?

2010-03-24T22:55:00.000-04:00

One of our lovely readers wrote in with a dilemma facing her roomate. Here's the dilemma and my advice below. LOMB girls, comment with your thoughts!

My roommate and I (both faithful ohmyblog readers) were hoping you girls could address an issue that is currently a hot topic in our house. We're catching up on your march posts tonight, and this has to do with facebook/rejection, which is why we're commenting here...

So we go to 'gay night' at our favorite bar every 3rd Friday (you can actually call a gathering of homosexual males 'gay night' here in the south, and no one finds it the least bit offensive haha). In a small southern town, gay communities tend to be really tight knit, so he likes that he can meet everyone who's anyone in one place on one night...and I like being in a bar where NO ONE stares at my boobs for once ;).

My roommate, like myself, is a relationship guy. And while the occasional fling has come out of gay night, he hasn't really found anything lasting. That said, he meets and mingles like a champ! he's not shy, he's aggressive (to the appropriate degree), he asks about you, he finds ways to relate, he smells nice, and he laughs lots. But, again like myself, he feels like after all that effort, he shouldn't have to make the next move. For the 4th 3rd Friday in a row, after his effort, my roommate was asked his last name so his new friend could Facebook him.
And we are led to ask, as Carrie Bradshaw-ly as possible...are Facebook friend requests the new phone numbers? I mean, we've been around and around on this issue, and even as high tech and new media savvy as the two of us are, we just cannot help but think that the Facebook friend request is a cop out and a bit of a shut down. Especially when, for the 4th 3rd Friday in a row, he has received no form of contact SINCE the initial request and subsequent acceptance.

we would LOVE your thoughts and opinions!

Ugh...two words: Digital Drama. I love Facebook, I love technology and I love that I'm able to connect with people who are important to me because of it.

On the other hand, technology has enabled society to be lazy and accept laziness.
If your roommate, (we'll call him Superman) thinks that New Guy is worth pursuing, I say he should go for it.

Superman should leverage, but not rely the Facebook connection. Send a message asking New Guy for his digits and go from there. If new guy only responds by Facbook chatting and poking, but refuses to corrospond via phone, I say it's time to press "defriend," especially if he's looking for a serious relationship. Cowards hide behind the computer screen, real men make real face time.

That's just my 2 cents! LOMB girls, follow up with your thoughts!
And whatever you do, don't let Facebook ruin your relationship like this:

Let Them Eat Burgers

2010-03-22T21:32:00.005-04:00

If a size two is the new four and jutting collarbones are sexy, it’s beauty authorities like Allure magazine editor Linda Wells who perpetuate it.

In her opening letter of the February edition of the magazine, she complained “I had a Whopper for lunch yesterday … 670 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 1,020 milligrams of sodium.” She proceeds by complaining about being nagged by the guilt the of those numbers, so much so that she takes a group exercise class to compensate, resulting in an aching stomach and a pounding head. She ends by craving “kale and flaxseed, soy milk and spelt.”

Allure is a beauty magazine for women targeted at a vulnerable age group, and Linda's note accentuated the fact that adolescent and twenty-something females feel overly guilty when they eat a French fry. Of course, eating Burger King is not a smart choice, but Linda ate it ONCE after what she clearly stated was a long time, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

A good way to field a diet is to reward yourself. It keeps you from going crazy and depriving yourself of simple pleasures. No one should go through life without trying a Whopper or Big Mac if he/she wants to. Linda's glorification of slamming down a Whopper and compensating by attending a cardio-intensive group exercise class only promulgates the emergent eating disorder known as over-exercise.

And quite possibly the worst part of this opening letter is how Linda spells out the precise amount of calories, fat and sodium in a Whopper. Haven’t we been taught that it’s not about the numbers? It’s supposed to be about how you feel about yourself. My biggest fear is that young women will read something like this and force themselves to go on an all-spelt crash diet until their pelvic bones jab out of their waists.

I am disappointed that this note opened the February edition of Allure; a magazine I usually turn to for advice on how to be a stronger woman on the outside to complement my inner beauty.

How To: Not Get the Girl

2010-03-09T14:35:00.009-05:00

"The art of love... is largely the art of persistence."

Nice quote. And I can see it being true in a relationship. But not when an attraction is one-sided.

I'm not usually a girl who has to reject guys directly. I've been able, for most of my life, to avoid those awkward situations by using excuses, whether real or made up ("Oh, I don't think my boyfriend would like me to hang out with you." Ha, what boyfriend?). About two months ago though, I was confronted with a boy who I'm still finding to be a difficult person to reject from my life. Nevermind that I'm not attracted to him in the first place. I still would not want to go out with him, thanks to the following reasons. (Though I might have been able to avoid this situation if I had reread OhMyHeart's brilliant post from November "How to: reject a guy with class".)

1) Getting his coworker to talk to me first. I don't care how shy you are or how intimidated you may be by me, that is not going to win any points. If you're interested in me, tell me so yourself, not through a middle-aged woman. Confidence is key.

2) Not taking a hint. Maybe I was being too nice, but you would think after avoiding having lunch with a guy three times, he would get the idea that I - surprise! - did not want to go to lunch with him. It then forces me to be mean that fourth time and say, no, this week won't work for me... nor will any other week.

3) Being too aggressive. First, with the persistent asking out. Sure, that sounds sweet in Anne of Green Gables with Gilbert constantly pursuing Anne, but that's a fictional story. Plus, he doesn't smother her. Because after I rejected him, he then friended me on Facebook, which leads to...

4) Cyberstalking. After I'm nice and allow him to view my limited profile, he sent me a message, with a full analysis and commentary of the information he discovered. He's certainly not winning any new points by attempting to establish a relationship based on my favorite type of music. Since I had not looked at his profile, as he assumed I had, I clicked on his profile, only to find a few status updates related to me. Mostly harmless, but still a little weird. A day later, he tried to FB chat with me, but I quickly went offline. His next status? "Why are some people so cold before even getting to know you?" Yes! He thinks I'm a bitch. Maybe he'll finally leave me alone.

So for about a month, I was free from him. He occasionally chatted me up on Facebook, but I figured he was just trying to be friendly. My bitchy attitude earlier had to have scared him off from wanting to date me. Friday though, I receive an email from him asking to - once again - go out to lunch. Seriously? I thought I had made myself abundantly clear!

I asked an older female coworker how I should respond. She said: "Thanks, but no thanks." Well, my ideas certainly hadn't worked before, so why not? Go for the extra bitchy route. I wrote that reply and pressed send, blind copying my coworker and a guy friend for his opinion, since he was familiar with the situation as well. My friend wrote back: "Wow, remind me never to ask you to lunch! I don't think I could take the rejection." My persistent pursuer, however, simply wrote back: "Alright... have a good day!"

I thought that would be the end. Surely, no guy's ego could bounce back from that kind of rejection.

So imagine my surprise when I launch Facebook today and see that Mr. Persistent has left a perfectly nice comment on my wall.

Why won't you go away?!

Lessons learned? Well, for me, stop being so nice. I should have brought out my bitch side earlier, and then maybe he would have backed off sooner. As one guy told me, it's better to "rip off the band-aid" when rejecting guys and don't go for avoidance. And maybe I should delete him from my Facebook friends. I was trying to be nice when I added him, but for heavens sake, I want to be left alone. For him? Ignore the quote from the beginning of this post. It's not true.

EDIT (3-10-10): Well, I feel a bit bad now since I just found out he got laid off. But that sentiment was short lived when I received an email from him telling me about it as well as saying that it's too bad we never really got a chance to say hello - a shame since "it seemed like we had a lot in common." What, you got that from my Facebook profile? I'm ignoring the email, as well as the personal email address and cell phone number he proffered. In the words of OhMyLaughter: "gooo awayyyyyyyyyyyy."

Wait! I didn't update Facebook/Twitter/FourSquare!

2010-02-28T08:26:00.007-05:00

Imagine you are sitting at a four star restaurant in France, perched on the side of a cliff, overlooking the azure waters of the Mediterranean Sea. You're admiring the glow of the sunset when you think:

- "Omg, is this restaurant on FourSquare?"

- "Where's my camera? I have to put this up on Twitter!"

- "Updating Facebook status...now."

As your fingers hurriedly type away on a smartphone, you completely miss the moment of being in the moment. Sure, now all your friends and followers know in real time that you were there, but is it possible today to disconnect from technology and social networking sites?

I used an example of travelling, but this topic easily translates to dating as well.

Change the scene from the Mediterranean to Arlington. You're on a first date, happy hour drinks. You're having a good time when your date pulls out his phone to update FourSquare - he's almost "mayor" of this bar. You're offended that he pulled the phone out in the middle of the date; I mean, you updated Facebook about your upcoming date before you arrived. Because, you know, everyone needed to know that you were on a date.

And speaking of being on a date, isn't that the time where you're supposed to find out about the person? Not through Google searches and Facebook profile stalking. It's awfully awkward when he's talking about his recent trip to the Mediterranean when you've already seen his photo albums online.

There's no mystery anymore. Everyone is so connected that you always seem to know what friends are doing even though they've never actually told you. Gone are the days of wondering if his ex is prettier than you are; just go back far enough on his Facebook photos and you're sure to find her and judge for yourself. (Not that I'm recommending the wondering or the searching.) And I miss those two page, front and back notes I'd pass with friends in middle school. Can today's teenagers even write that much in a world of 140 characters?

I don't want to diss social networking completely; I'm obviously a user of it myself. But I think the world needs to reign in its use of oversharing. Live in the moment. Turn off the phone when on a date or out with friends. Ignore the need to document every second. Sure it's a fun and easy way to stay connected, but our society has done well enough in the past without it.

Uptastic

2010-02-26T15:22:00.002-05:00

The New York Times called “Up,” Pixar’s 2009 smash-hit “filmmaking at its purest.”

Pure filmmaking seems an odd description for a modern, 3-D animated movie, and that’s what makes “Up” such a masterpiece. It seems that filmmakers often find it necessary to push the envelope of external elements and technology to be “different” and “contemporary,” which often results in wishy-washy themes and lackluster storylines (sorry James Cameron, I’m talking about “Avatar”). But “Up” nails the internal and external elements, giving audiences the best of both worlds: a third dimension coupled with unadulterated cinematic enjoyment.

Carl is the 78-year-old curmudgeonly protagonist with a square head, clown nose and sagging body. We are tuned into him the entire time, as we follow him on his adventure, yearning so passionately for him to get his house to the top of Paradise Falls. This begged the question – when is the last time I watched a movie in which I was completely captivated by an unsightly elderly protagonist? And to that end, which of this year’s best-picture nominated movies features an unattractive protagonist?

After I saw “Avatar," I couldn’t decide how to feel about it. I was entertained and moved (sobbed through my 3-D glasses), but was unsure of whether it deserved a best picture nom. I finally realized that while it’s a great movie, I was more intrigued by the shock value than the cinematic elements. And let’s be real – Jake Sully is sexy as a human, and as an avatar. The whole world is sexy. And while sexiness is a sellable filmmaking tactic, it is not, in my opinion, an Oscar-worthy filmmaking tactic.

The love story is flawlessly developed and realized. All it takes is five wordless minutes, and we know it’s love in its purest and most uncontaminated sense.

“Up” is a visual gold mine, and gives new meaning to the term “courage.” The courage to go for your dream, coupled with the courage to give it up. It trumps “Avatar” by adding depth; and when we start to get theme overload … SQUIRREL!!!

Jake's Blind Date: A recap

2010-02-23T09:59:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everyone who voted on the poll and gave me a boost of ideas for ways to start the date. Here’s a recap of how the night went down..and some of the things I learned.

The date was to meet at a local pub for drinks at 8:00PM. I didn’t get home from work until 7:00PM and realized I had 60 minutes to get to the date. Now I start to scramble…I haven’t had dinner yet (this is a drinks only date). After a shower and scarfing down food, it’s 7:38. I get changed and prepped…now it’s 7:42. My roommate suggested I get to the date about 5 minutes before the date, definitely don’t want her waiting on me. Dashing out the door, I B-line it to the bar…only to realize I forgot how close I lived to the bar…now it’s 7:46. And no way am I going to stand like a single goon for 14 minutes before we’re supposed to meet. I do what any non-rational guy does…I just keep on driving…and driving…now it’s 7:50 and I realize that I better hustle back to make it by 7:55. So I U-Turn, hit the gas, park, and then do the stroll through to see if she’s in there (she’s not) and then I hang outside until…

She walks up.

Tall, thin, good lookin’, big smile, her hair had bounce to it, bingo! This is going to be great! I walked over and went with the handshake and big smile (I thought to myself, a hug at the end will top the night off well). We went into the restaurant, and found a two person table. [Okay, I have a question…When there is a front door (that I open for her), and then a slim walkway, and then another door, but I can’t pass her by the time she gets to the door…do I frantically reach around her to open it, or just let her open it?? Second question, I let her lead to the table, right?]

We sit down, grab some beers (Yuengling for her, Magic Hat for me), and start chatting. And we kept on chatting and chatting and chatting…for about 3 hours, until I politely suggested we hit the road (I was exhausted). We talked about undergrad in college, our families, our jobs, art stuff, social media (nerdy, I know) and anything in between. For 3 solid hours, we did not drop a beat of conversation. Then I walked her out to her car, then we exchanged a big hug, and I was on my way back to my car….

But I don’t think there will be a second date.

I really put my best foot forward for this date…I REALLLLLLY wanted it to work out (like, I even wore my one ‘cool outfit’). But I realized at the end of the night, you can’t force it. If I had to write down everything on paper I would want in a woman, she would be it (fun, great personality, attractive, well traveled, same common interests, big smile, etc). You just can’t force two people to click…or maybe it’s what I thought I wanted isn’t actually what I want. Maybe it’s that I don’t know what I want in a woman, and have to just let it happen when it happens.

Even for guys, I think there is a huge pressure to be in a relationship when you’re in your young professional years after college. Think about it: a ton of your friends are getting engaged, some married, and some are even having kids. And if you look around, many of the good ones are locking down (I have a philosophy about that, but that’s for another blog post). Just like many other people in our same shoes, I need to tell myself “Jake…it’s cool, slow down, let it happen, you can’t force anything.”

If you know anything about me, I love meeting new people and blind dates are a riot. You never know what you’ll get….so I don’t think this will be the last one, but she just wasn’t ‘the one’.

Til next time,

Jake

How do you greet someone on a first date!? Answer the poll!

2010-02-16T11:22:00.003-05:00

Newly single, our favorite male contributor, Jake, has a first date tonight!
It's with a girl he's never met, but is a friend of a mutual friend. Jake and mystery girl have corresponded a few times on Facebook, but they've never met.

Please help Jake out by taking the poll, leaving a comment of advice and send good vibes that he doesn't spill water in his lap tonight ;)

On a first date, how do you greet someone?

In defense of Mr. Right Now

2010-02-11T16:58:00.001-05:00

Apparently OhMyLaughter has us on a snowed-in roll here! Her Who Dates this Guy? posted inspired OhMyDrama's Mr. Right v. Mr. Right Now post, which in turn has inspired me. I started writing a comment, but five paragraphs in, I decided, Hey! I'm a contributor here too! I'll just write a counter-point!

I'd like to start off by loving OMD's post. I totally dig where her head is at. She's thinking about cute boys and love, and mushing them together. Don't we all love that here? And no one likes getting hurt unnecessarily or wasting time. I also love that she links to another source and/or expert. She's so good at sharing useful articles.

What I have to say is also a variation on a debate OMD and I have been having throughout our whole, fabulous, long friendship!

So, in order for me to buy in her argument, I'd first have to believe that there is even a such thing as Mr. Right. For me, lately, Mr. Right has been going the way of the unicorn. Yeah, they're both pretty, they've got a big stick and guess what...they both also don't exist.

Don't worry, I haven't convinced myself totally out of fairytale world yet, so I'm willing to listen to proof! I also acknowledge that we could be talking about the one of thousands of men I could probably make a life/family with, and not just "the one." Either way...we're both talking about looking for a worthy relationship partner, which is itself a very worthy goal.

In order for me to buy into her argument, I'd secondly have to believe that dating Mr. Right Nows is a waste of time. And I 100% disagree. This is why:

In order for us to find out both who and what Mr. Right is, we HAVE to date a whole heck of a lot of Mr. Right Nows.

Unlike fairytale Mr. Right, I firmly believe in this idea. Ironically, I believe in this principle mostly because my Daddy has been telling it to me since I was a little girl. He always said,

"Your job in dating is to find a suitable mate."

I have interpreted this to mean:

You meet Joe Rightnow
Joe is always late. You hate that Joe is always late.
Joe is a good cuddler. You love that Joe is a good cuddler
You break up with Joe.*
You put the following on your Mr. Right list:

Must not be late
Must be a good cuddler

Meet Steve Rightnow
Steve is always on time!
Steve is a great cuddler!
Steve makes you laugh a lot
But Steve is a runner. You hate how Steve goes on long runs and doesn't invite you.
You break up with Steve*
You add to your Mr. Right list:

Must make you laugh
Must invite you into his hobby and/or share your hobby

*These astrick spots are the main areas where OMD and I disagree. I don't think putting up with someone's negative characteristics in order to take advantage of their positive characteristics is a bad thing. Putting up with Mr. Right Now for a week - or even a year - gives you the chance to not only edit your Mr Right list, but also to learn about yourself.

Everyone has their pros and cons, and it is our job to both assess what we cannot compromise on and learn how we can compromise with others.

Plus, we all learn at different speeds. Ask any elementary school teacher! If it takes you three years, three months and three hours to realize you can't put up with nose-picking Mr. Right Now anymore, so be it. It's not wasting time. It's still learning. It's still an education.

Besides, we are still young, strapping lassies! We have time to experiment!

So, hey, have fun! I doubt anyone with the last name of Rightnow will be proposing to any of their ladies anytime soon anyway, so you don't have to worry about any hard life decisions.

Don't settle, don't totally waste your time and definitely break up with dudes when you have realized they've overstayed their welcome. But don't be afraid of experimenting and learning either! You may be surprised about what you find!

Mr. Right v. Mr. Right Now

2010-02-10T00:07:00.001-05:00

Mr. Right v. Mr. Right Now

We all know Mr. Right. We've imagined him since we were little girls. He's the man that will be our partner through thick and thin, good times and bad, sickness and health. Our life doesn't miraculously become "happy go lucky" once the ring makes it official, but things are right. He is Right.

Then there's Mr. Right Now and he's got two personalities.

Mr. Right Now because I'm Lonely and Mr. Right Now with the Potential to be the Mr. Right.

More often than not, the one making most of the cameos in our 20's is Mr. Right Now because I'm Lonely (I know we don't want to believe it...it's true).

And we try to justify it:

Oh, this guy is cool and fun, I'm mean, I really don't enjoy his habitual lateness, or the fact that he's the master at fishing for complements, or that he's really just using me emotionally, but I'll just ignore that for now because...I mean, we're having fun. And he's not really into commitment, so we're taking it slow...am I even really into commitment? Like I said, this is just about fun.

We justify Mr. Right Now because I'm Lonely because we're scared to just flat-out say, "This really just isn't working because this really just isn't right."

It's the unfortunate truth, but the truth it is nonetheless.

And...it sucks. It really sucks.

I mean, boys are fun and who wants to be alone, right?
OhMyLaughter's severely disappointing experience with grocery store boy got me thinking of all of this. I mean, she had the perfect scenario: Ice cream aisle. Cute boy. Great initial conversation. He was bold and asked her out then and there. But in the end, it's pretty clear: he was a complete dud. Boring, a few personal issues...nice, not her type.

But at the same time...put yourself in her position: if he called, what would be the big deal about going out again? Maybe you'd continue to go on dates, spend the weekend nights together, nothing amazing, but at least you wouldn't be bored at home with Lifetime movies and everyone's dependable pals, Ben and Jerry.

Well girls, here's the problem:

"...here’s what happens when you stay in a relationship you’re not meant to be in: Every Saturday night you’re spending with Mr. Right Now, is a Saturday night you’re missing with Mr. Right.

Think about it. While you’re yawning through yet another night of blah-blah togetherness, your perfect match could be circling the block.

Why do we stay with the incumbent? Because not-exactly-perfect is a lot less scary than whatever surpise is behind door number three.

Sometimes we worry that if we dump the person we’re with, that no one better will ever come along, and that we’ll lose the best thing that has ever happened to us in search of the ever-elusive toe-curler that may not even exist.

Forget Mr. Right Now because I'm Lonely and make some room for Mr. Right Now with the Potential to be Mr. Right. You'll spare yourself boring dates, awkward encounters (though at LOMB, we know that awkwardness is a choice), and a better sense of self.

What do you think? Is Mr. Right now because I'm Lonely a waste of time, or am I being too tough?

PS- Don't worry, Justin Bieber wont let you be another Lonely Girl

Like, Oh My Valentine.

2010-02-02T19:08:00.004-05:00

So I got an email today from my boyfriend....

"Plans for Valentine's Day are nearly complete. Details will be on a need-to-know basis.

The only thing I need to know now is if you can get to my apartment by 5:30pm on Friday February 12?"

EEK! I'm like, kind of excited. Mostly because, he hasn't done anything super special for me before, so maybe this will be something somewhat epic.

Things have gone really well ever since I surprised him almost three weeks ago for his birthday. Did you ever read about my plan of attack?

On his birthday, I went to the restaurant where he was celebrating his birthday in Santa Monica. I thought I was going to have to search for him inside the building. As I nervously approached, however, I was delightfully surprised to see him sitting outside on the patio with about five friends...I was also delighted to see that he was not surrounded by girls. That would have made for another interesting story, but this one has a happy ending. As I watched him sit and talk, with his guy friends, and one ugly fat chick with braces, I hid behind a bush and watched him like a creepy stalker. After about 30 seconds of creepy but fun stalking, I called him. He actually picked up and said "hey, I'm at my birthday dinner, can I call you back later?" At this point, I came forth from the bush hiding place and was literally standing behind and above him on the sidewalk...but he could not see me. I said, "hi there birthday boy, why don't you turn around?" The words I said did not even remotely register in his mind as plausible, so he again repeated "Hey...I can't really hear you but I will call you in a little bit!" Again I said loudly and clear; "TURN AROUND YOU FOOL!" Something finally clicked, and with the most confused expression upon his face, the boy slowly turned his body so that he was facing me. "Happy Birthday" I said and hung up the phone...It was a great birthday for him. He also really loved the book that I made him, and I totally did an adequate job of showing him that I really care about him.

Now it is his turn...And I am quite excited! What could he possibly conceive? He's not nearly as creative or spontaneous as I am...or most people in general...but perhaps there is a side to him that I have yet to see...I hope so! Apparently, its going to be somewhat significant...He has definitely raised my expectations...telling me things like "I haven't had any time to do anything after work because I am spending all my time planning Valentine's day." Thats like...intense. Just a few more days until the surprise will be revealed!

Speaking of surprises, Valentine's day is super tricky for a female. Especially for a female who is currently in somewhat of a new relationship...all of the valentine's cards are like "I'll love you forever." Umm we haven't even spoken the "l" word yet to each other...but that's another story for another time. I'm thinking that all I should do is make/purchase a card for him...or do I need to give him something more? I'd prefer to just get completely spoiled, but part of me also wants to do something that is sweet and romantic...and masculine. If you have any ideas, please share.

You're Makin' My Dreams Come True

2010-01-22T13:48:00.002-05:00

The greatest thing about 500 Days of Summer: Its blatant lack of realistic plot structure combined with undeniably truthful love undertones.

I wait every day for the man of my dreams to walk into my office or the metro and make my panties drop, the way Summer makes Tom feel when she strolls casually in to her first day of work at Tom’s greeting card company. But let’s be real; that never happens.

And we so rarely get to be Summer. I always hope I’m that endearing girl at the bar that men notice because of my cute mannerisms and glasses the way Summer woos Tom as she’s swaying to the beat of the karaoke song she’s singing; but if and when men do notice me it’s usually because I eye-bone them into thinking they will perhaps eventually score, which sometimes leads to a meaningful relationship. But is it usually based on my glasses and hair-twirling tendencies? Don’t believe so.

But you know what does happen? Love bruises us. Love bruises us and we don’t know why, and it makes us want to smash plates on the floor like Tom. When Summer broke up with Tom and got engaged to someone else shortly thereafter (after claiming she didn’t need a man in her life), Tom was hopelessly miffed and asked her why:

Summer: I just knew
Tom: What did you know?
Summer: What I was never sure about with you.

And even though our dream lover doesn’t appear as if from nowhere like Summer, and doesn’t play house in furniture stores with us like Summer, and doesn’t have cute karaoke moves like Summer, one thing is firm: when you’re in love you’re in love and you know.

And when you’re heartbroken and all you can think about is how happy in love you used to be, remind yourself that you’re only thinking of the good times, not the bad ones; aren’t you happy the bad ones are gone and you can look forward to the good ones again?

The blend of cynicism and romance in this movie speaks to everyone: the coupled, the dumpers, the dumpees, and me: the optimistic single.

So Much Better than Flowers....

2010-01-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

So, thank you to everyone who gave his or her input regarding my romantic dilemma! If you didn't read my last post, "Do Men Like Flowers," my boyfriend recently told me that he feels that I do not care about him very much because I have not given him anything tangible such as a gift, to indicate my affection.

So, after reading the comments and thinking it over and over again, I finally decided on two things to give this wonderful guy.

First, I made him a book. I know...ultra cheesy, right? But its actually somewhat legit. It's called "Our Little Story" and its only twelve pages, since we really don't have that many experiences to document. Basically, its a scrapbook-but with more words. I printed out all of the pictures we have together, and collaborated them together in an artistic and expressive way. I tried to really make it like a story, commenting both on factual information as well as more personal information--specific to our relationship. I actually spent a lot of time on it so hopefully he will enjoy the damn thing.

Secondly--this is where things get epic...This is TOP SECRET CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION! Okay so, since I left Los Angeles, the boy has made it clear that I had to be there by today: Thursday, January 14th, his birthday. Unfortunately, it was getting harder and harder to be in California by that date. I told him that the soonest I could arrive was the weekend after his birthday, the 16th. I found a flight for this Saturday night coming into LAX and he expects to pick me up at the airport around 8:00. Me being a sneaky little mouse, however, decided to tell him completely false information and actually come two days before his birthday. So, I am already here and have been here for two days! I'm going to surprise him for his birthday! Good idea? I hope so! I am a complete nervous wreck because I'm actually not sure if this guy actually likes surprises as much as I would. He has absolutely no idea that I am here.

I'm am highly anticipating his reaction. I hope its unforgettable. I almost can sympathize with the stress and anxiety of a man proposing to his girlfriend...I know, I know, not quite the same thing...but similar! If only I had a photographer to capture the moment...

Anyways, tonight is the big night. I'm going to show up at the bar where his friends are meeting him. At the bar, I'm going to call him and pretend I have some dire crisis that requires all of his attention..Hopefully he will answer and I'll ask him to come outside...I will be waiting with a smile on my face and love in my heart! Happy Birthday!

Keeping this from him has been absolutely tormenting. Have you ever had to keep such a big secret from someone? I feel horrible, I wove myself into so many lies... but I think that it will be worth it tonight when I surprise him.

Wish me luck!!!

I Have a Date Tonight!

2010-01-13T17:43:00.002-05:00

I have a date tonight with a guy I’m really excited about. We’ve known each other for a while, and I know he’s going to light up when he sees me! I’ll be dressing casually because we’re just having a drink and watching college basketball at his place. It’s not so much about what time I get there, although the Duke game starts at 7:00 P.M. The most important thing is the amount of time we spend together.

If I had to describe him physically I’d say he’s so in shape he takes my breath away. In addition to that, he makes me feel good about myself. I always leave our hangouts with a smile on my face. Sometimes he frustrates me, but I know that he’s a strong supporter of me, even when I push his buttons. We’re not exclusive yet. One of the things I like about this guy is he’s all about taking things at a speed I’m comfortable with.

When I’m with him I’m not worrying about life’s troubles. I’m living in the moment. We watch a lot of sports together, and we conveniently like the same types of music.

I’m excited and have a few butterflies because tonight I think we are going to take it farther than I’ve gone in a while….

8 miles to be exact :)

Bahahaha, even when I'm married I will continue to cheat on my husband with the treadmill.

So Much Better than Flowers....

2010-01-12T21:54:00.005-05:00

Filmzies

2010-01-11T11:24:00.003-05:00

My ability to keep up with current American cinema has fallen by the wayside, so I’ve been over compensating like a mad woman recently, by way of Netflix and spending unnecessary amounts of cash at the movie theatre (theatER or theatRE – which do you prefer?).

I saw Up in the Air two weeks ago and Avatar this past weekend.
Not much to say about the former, because there wasn’t much there. Might be better as a novel. Avatar, on the other hand, left me chalk full of emotions, but I can’t decide if it’s because it was spectacular cinema or because I am a human female/want my own personal avatar.

The amateur critical eye’s first response is that the story is overdone. Which is true – it bears striking similarity to Fern Gully, Dances with Wolves, Pocahontas, Walle, Apocalypse Now and there’s even a little Matrix mixed in. But at the end of the day, this is a movie we’re talking about, not a book; and Avatar needs and deserves to be looked at through an open-minded eye in its entirety.

It seems that there are three internal elements that make a movie what it is and a bunch of external elements. On the inside, there’s character, plot and theme; on the outside there’s acting, directing, cinematography, screenplay, etc. So we have to ask ourselves, do these internal and external elements combined over power the fact that this story has been done and re-done? It’s a theme that has truly stood the test of time (that humans are big, fat assholes who don’t give a crap about the planet and just want money and oil by any means).

If your argument in support of the film is that it draws on so many metaphors (oil war, the importance of plant life, etc.), then what did it do so much differently than its predecessors, with the exception of real-D entertainment, that makes it so much better?

James Cameron and his team did an excellent job of creating an entirely new world for us. And I think it’s safe to assume we associate more with the Na’vi than we do with Jake Sully as a human. Every time he came back to his human self, I kept wanting him to return to his avatar body because the world was so phenomenally generated. It’s a well-made movie, but does it deserve to overtake its competitors for the best motion picture category at this weekend’s Golden Globe awards?

The Golden Globes awards show is this Sunday. For a complete list of what’s been nominated (movies and TV!) please visit http://www.goldenglobes.org/nominations/ and start catching up!

How to Succeed in 2010: Have a Jonas Brother Dump You

2010-01-06T12:47:00.006-05:00

I'm not kidding.

Who had the best year ever in 2009? Taylor Swift. Who dumped Taylor Swift over a 30 second phone conversation and then inspired her to write a song about it? Joe Jonas.

Now there's another little known pop tart by the name of Miley Cyrus who had her heart broken by a Jonas - Nick. So I'm thinking, world, get ready. 2010 is going to be the year of Miley.

Here's what we should have to look forward to in the months ahead:

1) The problem of childhood obesity - solved. After her inspiring turn around the pole at the Teen Choice Awards with her performance of "Party in the USA", pole dancing classes won't just be for adults anymore. The installation of stripper poles will be the newest investment and, in turn, help to stimulate the economy. Bonus points for Miley in getting the pounds off and the economy up!

2) A reinvigorated outlook on Christianity. When Miley won the MTV Movie Award for Best Song, not only did she thank her fans, but "I want to thank God... hell-OOOO!" We can soon expect others to follow suit since, HELLO, He's "the only reason [we're] here."

3) Encouragement for the youngest generation. When Miley's little sister, Noah, performed an interpretive dance to Akon's "Smack That", she wasn't put down for her age-inappropriate behavior. Instead, her big sister Miley and her back up dancers clapped on as the nine year old strutted her stuff.

4) Jay-Z songs will no longer be popular. Sure, "a Jay-Z song came on" in the taxi radio during "Party in the USA", but as Miley so eloquently put it, "I've never heard a Jay-Z song. I don't really listen to pop music." It's not her type of music. Apparently, even her own music isn't her type of music. She only picked the song to go with her new clothing line at WalMart. So since pop, rap, and R&B aren't her styles of music, clearly a new musical genre will be created this year: the Miley genre.

5) A decline in social media. I know, this is heartbreaking, especially since this is a blog and therefore a part of the social media world. But when Miley deleted her Twitter account, a new era in privacy was born, even in the midst of the tears from fans and gossip columnists around the world. We no longer know what she's doing every second of the day, and that's a difficult change. She parted ways with the public with one final thought-provoking Tweet: "FYI Liam doesn't have a twttr & he wants ME 2 delete mine w/ gd reason." [FYI, Liam Hensworth is her The Last Song costar and now BF.] Omgeez hate him for making her give up Twitter, love him for being Australian! But seriously, Miley? No more Twitter? It's the only reason I learned to read!

Some people may be afraid of the changes to come. But you can't change the fact that she will do great things.

Hey, she's just being Miley.

Do men like Flowers?

2010-01-03T17:18:00.005-05:00

Okay so I need your help. I've been dating a charming young man for almost four months now. Things were going well until I came back to the east coast for an extended amount of time to spend with my family for the holidays. Since I've been home, we've had difficulty communicating our affection for one another without being able to see each other. I know I know, "long distance sucks." Can I get an "amen"?
Thanks..but he has done a really good job faithfully calling me, sending me letters, being super sweet and diligent. I, however, have not done such a good job. I've been busy, lazy, and preoccupied with other friends and activities. I also have an attitude that men should do more to please the female in the relationship. She is the princess and should be constantly doted upon...right?

Well my tiara nearly fell off today when my boyfriend confronted me with the shocking question: "do you really care about me that much? You never do anything to show me." I was quite taken aback! There was an awkward silence, and to myself I thought "well, of course I do, but aren't you supposed to just do everything for me?"

I didn't dare speak those incredibly selfish thoughts. I frantically racked my brain for some things that I had done to show him that I care about him, but nothing tangible came to mind. (By the way, is it "wrack" or "rack")? I was slightly embarassed!...did this mean that I didn't care about him that much? I dont think so. I just think that I've been super occupied with him fulfilling my needs and making sure that he maintained my attention.

So embarassing. Anyways, I've decided that I want to do something for him--something sweet and romantic to show him that I do care and that I am capable of showing him. Its just a strange concept to me because I am accusomted to associating those kind of behavioral patterns with the male population! For example: sending flowers was the first thing that came to mind...but do men like flowers?? What is the male equivalent to a female receiving flowers at her desk?

This is where I need your help, to guide me in this daunting task. What would be a cute random tangible act that would surprise him and make him feel amazing? That's not too expensive? Any ideas? Please share. Thanks.

I Gotta Feeling

2010-01-01T22:29:00.010-05:00

That 2010's going to be a good, good year.......

I am a somewhat superstitious person.

I knock on wood.

I make wishes when I find a digital clock that says 11:11.

Heads up pennies mean one thing to me--"Find a penny, pick it up, through the day you'll have good luck."

I have "lucky" items of clothing.

And saving room for the fortune cookie is a given.

Naturally, I wanted to remind everyone, it's not too late to eat some Black Eyed Peas and Stewed Tomatoes before the end of 01.01.10! I think this is a southern tradition. But after last year when I DID NOT eat them because I was in NYC...I've learned my lesson. Bad things happen when you break tradition. Maybe it's just coincidental that the worst year of my life was one of the only years I have not begun with this dish. But I'm for damn sure eating them this year!

Back in Richmond, VA where I'm from they come in a can already mixed together and seasoned. I had to settle on separate cans today and mix them together myself. I also had beer+Wendy's while watching COLLEGE FOOTBALL, so if that doesn't scream New Year's Resolutioning, I don't know what does.

I'm not really sure if I'll be making New Year's Resolutions this year. I think I'm probably just going to have the same two as last year...they worked out pretty well.

1. Run
2. Live Spontaneously.

The two edits I'm making is that I'm making a goal to run either 2 or 3 half marathons...rather than 1. And, my general goal for 2010 is to be a bit more mature in my spontaneity. Or think about repercussions more.

So whatareyougonnado in 2010? I wonder if listening to the Black Eyed Peas on January 1st is also lucky? I'm sure it can't hurt!!! Look! It's a whole group of people on YouTube who share my resolutions. Oh this makes me miss summer.

Post-holiday ramblings

2009-12-27T23:14:00.004-05:00

This is how my Christmas morning started out: with delicious cinnabuns, made by my parents' new neighbors, baked by us.

But by the following evening, the oven was on fire from what had leaked from this delicious mess into the oven, the kitchen was leaking smoke and my mom was panicky from trying to figure out how to open her new house's windows.

As goes most Christmases for our family. We start off with the best intentions, but always accidentally end up setting fire to something.

I was visiting my parents, who have very recently moved half-way across the country.

With their new home comes new long-lost family that we look up on holidays. This week, I re-connected with familiar first-cousins-once-removed, and met never-before-even-heard-of second cousins.

Like my dad, I fare very well with meeting and loving new people. My mom and my sister are another story, but I've come to love my role as Dad's comedian side-kick and special ambassador to the slightly quieter members of our family.

But I felt myself bumbling over words more than usual as we traded stories around the long table that was set up catty-corner to cram the misfit extended family together.

So I'm afraid all my writing - well, texting and IMing mostly - has slowed my
verbal communication skills. Gobbling up novels, NYTimes.com, tech blogs; and blogging, journaling, even composing expertly organized professional work emails, I fear, are all partly to blame.

I used to pride myself on my verbal prowess, in front of new-found family members or elsewhere. It's an out-of-body experience to hear myself tripping over the tongue.

Perhaps - looking to the next big thing that comes bowling us over right in a row after Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas - my New Year's resolution should be to speak out loud more. To speak eloquently with colleagues. To gab with girlfriends. To whisper sweet nothings with youknowwho. To debate politics with Dad.

To spend less time composing and more time in the present, truly communicating.

Spaghetti versus Waffles

2009-12-21T11:13:00.001-05:00

Another guest post from our "tell it like it is" male contributor, Jake

Women are like spaghetti, men are like waffles.

Men compartmentalize things, like a waffle. We have many individual components in our lives…football season, vacation, work, sex, etc. With the exception of sex, we turn switches on and off. When we’re at a football game, we’re thinking about the next touchdown, not when we need to pick up dry cleaning. When we’re on vacation, we’re not thinking about our dirty bathroom. We’ll deal with it when we get home.

Women [from what I ‘understand’] are like spaghetti. Everything touches everything else and is interwoven, deeply. You multitask very well, all of your thoughts and emotions touch everything else. This is so why you’re so good at cooking a huge holiday meal, you’re good at remembering multiple things going on. Give us one thing to do and we’ll stick to it.

This often creates difficulty between conversations between men and women. Women start on one subject and then end on something completely different. Men talk like filing cabinets, we start one topic, end on the same topic. Switching topics throws us off and we get confused jumping from box to box.

Ladies, do us a favor, keep it simple and we’ll be able to keep up.

Until next time,

Jake

Renting the Red Carpet Dream

2009-12-20T19:20:00.005-05:00

This past week involved a few events that got me seriously thinking: the Golden Globe and SAG nominations and my office holiday party. The party was only cocktail attire, so naturally I went with a just above the knee dress. But events for a cocktail dress are more common. As a girl who is dying to pose for paparazzi at a huge event, I wondered when I would have my next opportunity to wear a true evening gown. Add in the first award nominations of the season, and I can't help thinking about what I would wear on the red carpet.

After looking through the Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman websites, I really only found two that I felt were classic and au courant enough to fit my tastes. The first is this Marchesa gown:

I love the rosettes and ruffles - so feminine! And yet, it's still fitted enough, which I much prefer to the empire waist trend that I see a lot for evening gowns. I like the rich color, though it wouldn't be the best on me. Plus, though I love it, all that fluff in the front may be too much for my frame.

The second, my favorite, is from Carmen Marc Valvo:

I love this. I couldn't get a bigger photo of the back, which has a bit of a flowing train. And you can't really see the fluttering bow on the shoulder, but it brings some drama to the dress. The royal blue jewel tone is perfect. The ruffles add just enough extra to the gown without being over the top. This dress wouldn't overwhelm me like the first and I would love posing in it.

Unfortunately, I don't have an occasion to wear either of these gowns, even if I could afford a dress worth several thousand dollars. But here's where my new web discovery comes in. Thanks to InStyle, I have found RentTheRunway.com. It's similar to the Bag, Borrow, or Steal website, where shoppers can borrow a designer purse for a fraction of the retail price. With RTR, designer apparel - with a focus on dresses - is available to the everyday woman at 10% of the price. You can rent a dress for 4 or 8 days and they'll even send you two sizes to ensure a perfect fit.

Who knows if I'll ever make it to the red carpet and have designers fighting to dress me. But renting a designer gown could be a good substitute, at least for now. Can you say dream come true for this little Miss OhMyFancy?

'Tis the Season

2009-12-15T13:00:00.006-05:00

People will argue this forever, but I really think girlz are easier to shop for than guys. Since ‘tiz the season and I have yet to really shed any holiday joy (even snow makes me grumpy), I thought I’d compile a little list to prove to you how affordable and limitless shopping for your gf’s or bff’s or female family members can be!

Here is a list, a practical jist of female gift ideas:

· CREATIVE jewelry. Don’t get the standard sparkly necklace this year; try a pair of wild earrings that are pretty, but different.

· Cheese + _________. Let’s say you spot a sweater at a store you know your girlfriend will LOVE, but are scared it’s not a thoughtful or creative enough gift. Pair it with some unique cheese for a specialty cheese shop that she’s never tried before. Women love to be fabulous hosts, and they will be excited to impress their friends with goat cheese from Switzerland rather than cheese wiz with on Saltines their wine. If she is a cheese enthusiast like myself, this is a gold mine.

· Scarf, hat, glove combo. She will feel all warm and cuddly and cutesy with a matching set of winter weather gear.

· A book that she’s never heard of but you know she will enjoy because you know her personality/interests. It will excite her that you’ve been paying attention enough to know she’d enjoy this book without her specifically spelling it out. This would be a great one to go with the cheese!

· Home décor. If you frame a black-and-white photograph of a scene from your lady’s favorite ballet, she will go absolutely bananaz.

· A snuggie. I think you’d probably want to pair this with something else if you’re shopping for your baby, but girls are always cold and they’ve got some really nice body-wrap blankets at department stores right now, and it’s just a cute gift.

· And the curveball—something she’d never expect you to get. Like a really neat kitchen plate you saw at a flea market or mall kiosk. Or maybe if she’s really into exercising, a giant, bouncy resist-a-ball for fun!

· Or, perhaps discuss the possibility of free-gifting or abstract-gifting; I’m getting a little upset that this post is based entirely on spending money because of a tradition that forces us to buy material items for other people, most of whom for which we don’t care that deeply. Or, you know, just get a fun scarf and smile.

I, unfortunately, have grave difficulty when shopping for men. Perhaps our new male contributor should mirror my post with a list for men?!

10 Things I Hate About You

2009-12-14T11:00:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this isn't about hating "you". And there are really more like 20 things - 10 of hate, 10 of love. I've been having a blah past few days, and so I wrote out the things that were annoying me. But, not one to be unfair, I also made myself write out a "love" list, to prove that things aren't as bad as they seem. So, here is my past week, in double list form:

Don't You Hate It When...

1) you still feel like an awkward middle-schooler
2) you dress really cute one day, but that one person doesn't see you
3) you have to go to work when all you want to do is lay on the couch with a blanket and watch reality TV marathons all day
4) you have to make important life decisions when you don't even know what you want
5) all you want to eat is food from Sonic, but the closest location is 36 miles away
6) you think the only way someone is going to understand what you want is by slapping him upside the head
7) your favorite store doesn't fit you anymore because of vanity sizing
8) you remember your iPod, but forget your headphones
9) you have a meltdown over Papa John's pizza
10) you overhear something you shouldn't about someone you care about

Don't You Love It When...

1) your heart stops for a moment, then quickly goes pitter-patter, when you see that one person
2) your mommy will still hold you in her lap when you're sad
3) your hair looks PERFECT
4) you tell a friend you don't feel well and the next day he brings you Emergen-C
5) that perfect dress fits you like a glove
6) a puppy comes to visit you
7) you get to try a new restaurant
8) you have a day with nothing planned
9) you laugh at yourself for having a meltdown over pizza the previous day
10) three of your favorites movies are on TV in one weekend (for me this weekend: That Thing You Do!, You've Got Mail, White Christmas)

Like, "My Type"

2009-12-07T18:03:00.029-05:00

OhMyPassion had a FABULOUS post back in the summer about how our “type” tends to shift based on the guy we are currently interested in. Physically, I’d say I couldn’t agree with her more. [Or, maybe I just don’t have a type physically.]

I’ve actually LIKED three guys in the past year. One had dark hair and a slim build. One had short LIGHT brown hair and a stockier build. And one had reddish-brown hair and I guess the body of an average guy in terms of height/weight/muscle.

Really if you put the three of them in a line, they couldn’t look more different. I could EVEN give you a nice sampling of accents/home states/alma maters with these three amigos… but that’s probably derived from my indifference about the DC area and fascination with other parts of the country. My bad.

I’d say there are two common threads with these boys:

They are all quite smart.
Our personalities click really well. I’m able to joke around very easily with all of them.

So they say that opposites attract. Is it bad that at the end of the day, I think I want to date someone similar to me? Like, I THINK THAT’S MY TYPE! Not physically… I actually stray away from guys with red hair. But…

I like to joke around. It is really important to me that a guy makes me laugh. I want to date a guy that picks the stupid comedy. NOT the movie I have to concentrate super hard to follow.

I like working out. It’s important to me that a guy likes to do this too. MAJOR brownie points if he likes running/endurance sports. But as long as physical activity is a part of his life, it’s cool.

I like watching sports. I grew up that way. I was allowed to stay up late to watch the Chicago Bulls and Utah Jazz go at it. The New York Yankees post-season games. The Super Bowl. And the Olympics. Maybe that’s why I like sports so much, originally they were my ticket to a later bedtime?! Identical team loyalties aren’t so important to me. Just watching “big games” needs to be on his priority list. Somewhere along the lines I was convinced by my dad and brother it needed to be on mine.

This is sort of a sub point but if a guy doesn’t like beer (and he drinks)…it’s def an eyebrow raiser.

I’m smart. (Well, I get that a lot.) OhMyGoodness suggested I buy this shirt from Forever21. It’s hilarious and …pretty true. I LOVE NERDS SO MUCH…er…guys that are slightly nerdy.

In some ways I feel disgustingly Oprah-ish having this list. But…then I read it…and it couldn’t be farther from an episode of Oprah. Saying I like it when guys like comedies, working out, sports, beer, and are slight nerds doesn’t sound like impossible standards. It sounds like something Oprah would say I needed to change in order to “live my best life.” Good thing she’s going off the air……..I have a feeling Oprah’s and my own idea of best life couldn’t be more different.

At the end of the day, I care about other people. And THAT trait needs to be there too. I’m going to be super frustrated if a guy doesn’t. And in my mind this is THE real relationship deal breaker. I know caring guys exist. So I’m not going to settle for an asshole.

Obviously, I don’t want to have IDENTICAL interests with a guy. The "girly" side of me likes shopping, dressing up, dancing, The Hills, and Britney.

But, the more I have in common with a guy… the more excited I get. He likes Country music too! He likes the beach! The Yankees are his favorite team! He loves airports! He SERIOUSLY buys dinosaur chicken nuggets? I thought I was the only one who bought dinosaur chicken nuggets…

And I guess I just don’t know if my way of thinking is something that goes along with a typical guy’s mindset. Generally, do guys like it when girls have common interests? Is that exciting to them? Or is it more interesting for them to find a girl with completely different tastes?

Maybe part of the reason I want to find a guy with similar interests is because I don’t believe in changing someone. I think it’s just easier to find someone who likes the same sort of things than hanging out with someone who thinks their own preferences are better than my own. I’m all for trying new things…but… if the guy isn’t and we’re really different…how is that fair?

Okay, so you readers MUST have an opinion on this. Are you more for opposites attracting or common interests? The obvious answer is a combination of both. But, which way do you lean more strongly?

A stupid theory

2009-12-06T13:29:00.004-05:00

A guy once told me that girls tend to travel in pairs and within that pair is an ugly girl and a pretty girl. According to him, the "ugly" girl wants to hang out with the "pretty" girl because she'll meet more guys that way and people will think she's cooler because she's with the pretty girl. And then the "pretty" girl has the "ugly" girl friend to make her feel better about herself and get more attention out of the two.

I thought then and still think now that that's ridiculous. Sure, I bet there are girls - and guys - out there who would do such a thing, but to make a sweeping generalization like that is awfully presumptuous.

What I thought was really stupid, was that he enlightened me and my girl friend about this one day at lunch. Two girls. Two girls that he admitted were both attractive. Doesn't that sort of debunk his whole theory?

But then there is an article like this one from The Daily Mail in the UK that completely goes along with what he said. And I can see how it's true, but again, it's hardly fair to write off all women as this shallow. Plus, the article says more about how we find certain traits attractive in the first place, and doesn't just accuse women of befriending an "ugly" woman to feel better about herself.

While I don't pick friends based on their physical attractiveness, I can think of at least one person I know who would do this (not a friend). She made sure to pick pretty bridesmaids, but then also to put them in unflattering dresses.

So is he right? Or is his theory completely out there?

Winter is a good time to be in love- you always have a snuggle buddy for cold nights

2009-12-02T23:50:00.002-05:00

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so i have been told.

They say were buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause youre not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause youre not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?

Listen up, Ladies: Lead by Example

2009-12-01T11:54:00.010-05:00

Another guest post from our "tell it like it is" male contributor, Jake

To all the ladies…So you’re in a relationship, or dating, or exclusively dating, or whatever…and your guy isn’t treating you like a queen. So, what do you do?

Lead by example.

Ladies, we’re not that smart. Really, we’re not. Here are a few simple tips to help you get your guy to treat you like you want to be treated….

Issue: He doesn’t surprise you with flowers, or other gifts.
Solution 1: We forget to do things to make you feel special. Like I said, we’re not that smart. We need to be reminded. But don’t remind us by telling us, because we then have an unspoken 3-week buffer where we can’t do anything for you, because you’re expecting it. If you want to be surprised, surprise him! Get him a non-cheapo gift out of the blue, he’ll realize how special he feels and he’ll want to return the favor.

Solution 2: Get him a subscription to a magazine like Men’s Health. Magazines geared towards men have women on their writing staff, and they help reinforce how important it is to treat your woman like a queen. It’ll take a little time for him to get the hint, but it’ll come through.

Issue: He won’t stop answering his phone when you’re hanging out.
Solution: Turn off your phone, too. Tell him you want to spend true one-on-one time and to do that, you’re going to turn off your phone and put it in your bag. See if he’s willing to join you in a non-technology outing. No phones for either of you – make it fair.

Issue: He never knows what to get you for your birthday, anniversary, or holidays.
Solution: Get him to know your best girl friends. Encourage them to swap numbers. Your best friends know what you want. Encourage them to talk, and as much as you might want to be nosey, don’t try to get in the middle of it – let him surprise you.

Issue: He gets more excited to see his friend than he does you.
Solution: Trying to say this as nice as I can, get over it. He might not have seen his friends (girl or guy) for a few weeks or months, but he sees you 3-4 times a week. Just like you get excited to see your long lost friends, he does too. If you want him to get that excited, make him miss you. If you normally hang out 3-4 times a week, let 5 or 6 days go by and then get excited to see him – he’ll return the favor. [More on this in a later post.]

Issue: He doesn’t want to meet your parents.
Solution: He actually might want to meet your parents, if he likes you and if he wants to invest serious time into your relationship, he most likely does want to meet them. He knows it’ll make you happy. But instead of his first meeting being a 4-day weekend during the holidays with your 25 relatives (that’s overload for a guy), let the first interaction be casual. When your parents are in town for lunch, get him to join then. Or maybe a dinner your parents are going to, invite him to that. Keep it relaxed, nothing too fancy. Fancy and extended ‘hang outs’ will come.

Issue: He doesn’t listen to you while he’s watching TV.
Solution: Talk to him during the commercials. Hate to break it to you, but if he’s been hanging with you, giving you attention all day, he needs some time to zone out and watch TV. During the last quarter of a tied football game, you’re going to get the same response out of him as you will out of the dog…wait until the commercials.

Til next time,

Jake

More Twilight-hating things

2009-11-30T23:36:00.003-05:00

This past week I've stumbled upon four more commentaries on Twilight that make me think, but mostly make me just roll my eyes at Twilight-haters:

(This link list is mostly because it's the very end of NaBloPoMo and I won't mess it up for all these lovely ladies who kept the posting up over Thanksgiving weekend!)

1. A Cracked article on the New Moon movie

I love Cracked. I think they consistently come out with some witty stuff. But this article should have stopped after the storyboard, which was mildly funny because it's true. Also the little hand-drawn characters are cute.

Also, this is the poorest written Cracked article I've seen, with awkward paragraphs like this charmer:

"So what is the plot? Because of a paper-cut Edward leaves Bella."

It only makes it worse that further down the article the author goes on to complain about how bad Stephenie Meyer's writing is.

2. This YouTube video of "Alex Reads Twilight: Ch.2"

Now this guy is just the essence of jumping on the IHateTwilightOMGThatMakesMeSoBadassAndMaybeGivesMePointsForWomensRights bandwagon.

He doesn't read the chapter to give it any sort of a chance. He chooses the worst passages. He views it from the eyes of a - woah! - young snarky man, who is NOT the intended audience of the book. He doesn't give a damn about any young woman's possible ideas of romance.

I do give him points for having a cute British accent, though.

3. This joke encouragement poster about moms who love Edward

It's funny because it's true. It's scarily true. Yikes!

4. This YouTube video of "SDCC09 - Kevin Smith talks about Twilight"

I really like this bit of stand-up. At the 2009 San Diego Comic Con, Kevin Smith talks about why Twilight haters are lame, but also indulges a little bit on why Twilight could be an unhealthy obsession.

His main conclusion? We all have unhealthy obsessions. Who are you to judge another's unhealthy obsession?

I agree with him whole-heartedly.

Okay so now it's your turn to give me your honest opinion on Twilight. This is why I LOVE it. But I promise to respect you whatever your opintion is!

OMGLikeTotallyHeyLoveTTYLziesIHateTheMedia

2009-11-29T20:41:00.005-05:00

I've got an alpha female complex.

I'm totally NOT an alpha female – OhMyHeart can vouch for that after watching me bow down to my intimidating roommates for a year when she lived with me. I am: a delicate flower. I am NOT: girly.

Blllleeeeeecccchhhhh, GIRLY. The word makes me nauseous. I've been fighting through my pre-teen, young woman, college gal and now ProYo years to make sure I was never described to people as short, brunette and GIRLY.

But then, bout a week ago, a coworker asked me: What's so wrong with being girly?

Hmm. It made me think. Is it bad?

Of course being a materialistic cake-face is undesirable, but it made me realize that perhaps I should be embracing my femininity. It's easier than fighting it; or rather it's easier than fighting the media.

In the last few months my most viewed television shows have been Project Runway and Say Yes to the Dress. It's shameful. In fact, I think you are the first ones to whom I've confessed; I usually just go on and on about The Office and Flight of the Concords whenever TV shows come up in conversation, when really I could be gushing to you about the cut, designer and PRICE of the most fabulous wedding dress I saw on TLC the other day.

So now, another question: Is it my fault, or the media's?

All the great women are the classic combo: they can kick ass in a contest of athleticism but in their free time they wouldn't be caught dead without their D&G sunglasses. And I want to be like them, but I'm having a hard time fusing the two personalities. If I talk about the new shoes I bought and how cute they are I will be stigmatized but if I only talk about how many miles I ran yesterday, I'll be bored. Oy Vey.

And the sad thing is, this is all based on my fear that some day I will be on one of those Real World/Road Rules challenges on TV and be a weak competitor. I hate the media.

Holiday gifts for everone on your list

2009-11-28T21:11:00.005-05:00

Black Friday is over and Cyber Monday is right around the corner. Have you found the perfect gift yet?

Yeah.

Me either.

Thankfully, Women's Health Magazine has created a list of hot gifts for everyone on your list. Seriously, they cover everyone from your coworker to your man.

My sister, the fashionista and lover of all things jewelry, is getting the fabulous Grayce by Molly Sims Abstract they suggested (Shhh! Don't tell her!).

Check out the list and get your shopping done before the gift giving season creeps up on you!

Like, We AREN'T Kids Anymore

2009-11-27T22:07:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I really wish I still had the innocence of a child at the holidays.

Santa would still exist
Zero Responsibility
Basically the only thing on your mind is the fact that you are on vacation from school...and having fun.

Hello, Reality.

Well, this was me last year. This year, I just ended up with a lot of free time for my mind to wander. Are you able to keep your mind off work for an entire holiday? I still though about my mixture of jobs/other responsibilities/boys at times rather than focusing on the conversation/activity at hand. Then you have the whole "distraction of technology"...texting, Iming, and Facebook. Oy.

I wonder how many adults are 100% CHECKED IN to a family get-together? Not counting the TV which was probably on at some point.

International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women

2009-11-25T17:39:00.004-05:00

A global campaign to tackle physical, sexual and psychological violence against women launched today and will commence on December 10th.

In 1999, the United Nations General Assembly declared November 25, as the International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women and invited governments, International Organizations and NGOs to organize activities designated to raise public awareness of the problem.

November 25th was chosen in memory of Mirabal sisters, political activists of the Dominican Republic, who were brutally assassinated on November 25, 1960, on the orders of the ruler of Dominican Republican, Rafael Trujillo.

To lean more or to see what you can do to help women around the globe, see below:

Say No- UNiTE
Ending Violence Against Women: A Day At The U.N.
The International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women

Bella from Twilight and other women in literary fantasy worlds

2009-11-24T17:41:00.011-05:00

Everyone's obsessed with Twilight lately, what with New Moon coming out. And I must admit, I loved the books. I sobbed at the end of every one.

The movies, eh, I could care less about. I saw the first one with my mom and sister, and will probably end up at New Moon at some point or another. Bella just does not portray well on screen, especially with Kristen Stewart's interpretation.

So there are people who absolutely love love LOVE Twilight. And there are people who absolutely hate hate HATE it. Mostly the n ay-sayers are lame people who haven't even tried to read any of them and are most likely snarky males who are just jealous they don't have the panty-dropping skills that an imaginary vampire does.

But there are nay-sayers who occasionally speak a word of truth about the Twilight series that disturbs me. Twilight is setting up so many tween girls for a life of - best case scenario - disappointment because no man in real life is like the men/vampires/werewolves portrayed in today's media.

Worst case scenario - they end up in a controlling, violent relationship based on "passion," instead of mutual respect, clear communication, sexual attraction and fun & happiness.

So let's go back to the last obnoxious tween book-to-movie series sensation that swept millions - this time of girls AND boys - off their feet. Yes. I'm talking Harry Potter.

I picked the series back up again at book five like eight years later after I put it down after I read book four right after it came out. I kind of remember why I put it down in the first place.

The character who us lovely, budding young ladies are supposed to learn the most from (and I do especially relate to her because of my curly, frizzy hair [like a pre-makeover Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries] and my, like, totally awesome brains, obviously) is Hermione.

Hermione is respected by the teachers. Hermione is clearly the smartest student at the school. But her supposed best friends reject her ideas and scoff at her warnings on every other page. Ohhh it's just Hermione. Silly Hermione, she always wants to study.

Plus, not nearly enough smart boys are flirting with her, besides a long distance pen pal-ship with some German quidditch dude I think.

(Don't do it Hermione! He isn't geographically available!)

Anyway - hair type and too much homework aside - I've started to get worried. What are these incredibly successful business women (I've got to hand it to Stephenie Meyer and J.K. Rowling for their incredible ideas, their ability to build worlds and their bags and bags of money) teaching us about how to be a female character?

I posed this question to my boyfriend one night (geez, at this point I should really change my blog name to OhMyInterestingThingsMyBoyfriendSays). Why aren't there more popular female heroines? Why aren't they portrayed in a way so that tweens can become obsessive fans over them and intellectuals can agree that they're a good example for young'uns today?

He gave me another example. Wonder Woman, he says, is a top three player in the D.C. Comic universe. She's just as powerful and just as much of a leader as Superman and Batman. However, in our universe, her sales and popularity has been appallingly low, compared to her male counterparts.

(I know I have too many asides in this post as it is - but in light of my recent posts, I feel like I must point out he is not a video-games-and-comic-books-only nerdy guy. He's great. And, like, totally popular. Not a vampire or a wizard, but I did the best I could.)

So anyway, where are the strong women characters? Of our time or others? How come we've come far enough for women to not have to write behind pseudonyms and instead become powerfully popular literary icons? But we haven't come far enough for those women to invent useful female characters?

Do you have any examples to prove me wrong?

They call me “Jake” – an introduction

2009-11-23T10:00:00.001-05:00

Special note from the LikeOhMyBlog girls: We're happy to have a new guest blogger, "Jake" join the team. He'll be popping up here and there to give us a testosterone infused perspective on things. See his introduction post below. We love him, and we hope you do to! Got any questions for Jake, guy, dating, etc? Leave them in the comments below!

“Jake” here, well, that’s what they call me. After reading your blog over the past two years, I decided to contact you lovely ladies. When I got over my sweaty nervous palms and asked to be a contributing writer, you said yes. Reminded me of asking a girl to the 8th grade dance.

I’m here to give you my perspective, not saying all guys (boys, men, whatever you want to call us) share this perspective, but hopefully it’ll clue you into our simple, simple minds.

Backing up, here are a couple things about me - Single, consider myself in the good guy category, and full of really bad jokes. I don’t date around just to sleep around, I’m not afraid of commitment (well, I call it consistency), I demand a lot out of life, and I have no skills to pick up women at the bar. I put myself in the ‘nerd’ category, too. My goal in life (second to having a relationship with God) is to wake up each morning next to my gorgeous wife laying in bed, smiling at each other.

After reading your blog, I want to get one of those “First things first” out of the way. I feel that about 90% of women are fantastic (couple crazies in there), and just because you might not be with someone doesn’t mean you won’t be with anyone. Timing is everything – when it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

So, being that there are many women (err…girls?) who read LikeOhMyBlog, what do I look for in a woman? I look for a trustworthy, funny, in shape, non-emotional basket case, attractive best friend who challenges me and knows me better than I know myself. Simple. I want my soul mate to be my best friend.

Now through upcoming guest blog posts, I hope to fill you all in on my perspective and I look forward to challenging you girls (err…women?) to be the best as you can. Questions? Bring ‘em on!

BTW – My worst nightmare was mentioned on a post, November 7 ‘The Schmoozer"...

“Now whether she meant professionally or personally, I don't know, but I have a feeling it was almost a warning to me. Anyway, I left our meeting with the thought I'd never want to date him, but would let him take me out to dinner because I had the feeling he would pick an expensive restaurant.”

Til next time,

Jake

On Being Ignored

2009-11-22T19:21:00.004-05:00

I understand if Creepy McCreeperson won’t stop texting you, or if crazy ex is calling only to shout obscenities. Both cases almost necessitate ignoring the attempts at communication. Otherwise, I think ignoring people is miserable and wrong.

Well, not all people. It’s easier to just ignore some people until they get the hint and move on. But – if you’re being ignored by someone who is supposed to “care” about you, it is immoral.

Use your heart. Sometimes we really don’t want to talk to people, but ignorance is the worst kind of indifference, which is worse than abhorrence. Everyone says the opposite of love is hate, but the opposite of love is really apathy; at least hatred elicits emotion.

At the very least, call your friend back and tell him/her you are tied up and will get back to him/her when you are free. Then you can wait until you are in a good enough mood to be able to tolerate whomever it is that you just don’t want to call back. The conversation doesn’t even have to be long. Or – tell whomever that you just don’t like talking on the phone/texting and then if he/she calls or texts you constantly thereafter, that’s his/her bad.

I just don’t like being ignored. If I’m bothering you that much, then man up and tell me why. It’s insulting. And the more you ignore me, the crazier it makes me.

I know you have an iPhone or a Blackberry or some kind of smart Internet-savvy phone that you are on constantly. What the hell is the point of you owning a cellular phone if you are not going to phone anybody? You should not be spending that much money on a device if you are not going to use it for its intended purpose. Because I know you also have a computer.

If we all started ignoring each other, the world would stop turning. So don’t strive

to be the first?

I think this post was really fueled by the fact that I want to feel like this

again.

Friends, Lovers or Nothing

2009-11-21T23:59:00.000-05:00

Agreed.

Now that we are over
As the loving kind
We'll be dreaming ways
To keep the good alive

Only when we want is not
A compromise
Ill be pouring tears
Into your drying eyes

Friends, lovers, or nothing
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We'll never be the inbetween
So give it up

You whisper "Come on over"
Cause your two drinks in
But in the morning I will say
Good-bye again

Think we'll never fall into
The jealous game
The streets will flood
With blood of those who felt the same

Friends, lovers, or nothing
You see
There can only be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We'll never an inbetween
So give it up

Friends, lovers, or nothing
We can really only ever be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
Don't you know
We'll never be the inbetween
So give it up

No we'll never the inbetween
So give it up

How To: Become a Cougar at 24

2009-11-20T10:52:00.008-05:00

Just to recap, I’m now working in a gym part time. This environment couldn’t be more different than corporate America and I love it. The free gym membership is also a nice perk. Since a college degree isn’t really essential for what I’m doing, some of my co-workers are younger than me by a few years. NBD. UNTIL the 19 year old at work developed a crush on me. This guy is pretty huge athletically and I would say he looks older than 19. Probably 21. Although I’m now 24…..

Anyway, ever since I started working there he would come into the gym and talk to me on my shifts. It helped the time pass by so I didn’t mind. He was kind of fun to joke around with, although usually it was me being funny, and him just laughing.

Eventually, he put himself out there. He told me he thought I was really hott. I think I made some comment like “I thought you might be interested since you are always here”…and told him a story about a different guy friend falling for me. Basically, changing the subject and avoiding doing anything with this piece of information. Two weeks later he told me again he thought I was hott, and that he liked me, because I had a fun personality and I’m fun to hang out with. “Do you know how hard that is to find in a girl?”

I was like “Yes!” [Bahaha. I’m convinced humor is one of the best things in life.] Then I got asked to do something by my manager, so that conversation was also cut short. Probably a good thing.

Besides the fact, that it seems so wrong for me to date a 19 year old…He’s not really doing a good job with putting the actions behind his statements. Some of the guys at work watch college football on Saturdays. 19er has told me every week since I started working at the gym “You should come.” I already had plans for about a month. But after that I was like “I’m free this weekend and next. I can come one time, just let me know.” NO FOLLOW THOUGH. (Strike 1).

One day he asked me to go to lunch. I drive all the way to Alexandria where he lives. For Chipotle….HE DOESN’T PAY. (Strike 2). I’m not the type of girl who wants to go on dates just so the guy will pay for me, but if he was interested, once again he didn’t show it. After lunch I met his cousin who was even more immature than him, and realized I would have rather been by myself than hanging out with this guy. Bad news for him.

He’s body image conscious. Is always talking about losing more weight/getting a six pack. And even told me he needs to figure out who he is. Honestly, I was probably in a similar spot at 19. Not one of those girls who went around saying I was fat, but I worked out all the time. And I had no clue where my life was headed. He’s like a less cool version of my younger brother (who is 17). My brother and all of his friends are hilarious.

I could go into all the other reasons I don’t want to date this guy. But instead I’ll summarize with the fact that HE CAN'T GO TO A BAR. Meaning he can’t hang out with any of my other friends. (Strike 3--And, He’s done.)

I think my consistent lack of interest is turning the 19er off. He knows about the other guys in my life. And while he can’t say I’m falling for assholes, I’m blowing him off because he is so young. He made this comment that “Girls don’t like him until he starts being an asshole to them, then all of a sudden they are interested.”

Now he is barely talking to me. When he left the gym yesterday all he said to me was “Peace” without making eye contact. There probably is some truth to girls falling for assholes, but…it’s more of a cocky and funny type attitude…not plain rudeness.

I DON’T LIKE HIM. I actually am glad he’s not hanging around me. I watched him disrespect a manager who was trying to talk to him. What is he thinking?

Probably the reason I seem[ed] so cool to him is that I've actually figured life out a bit more than a girl his age. As much as rejection sucks, it’s a part of life. And “Life’s a game, but it's not fair.” (You tell 'em Rihanna.) I’m realizing the better you can handle disappointments…the more prepared you are for something or someone even better. Maybe 19er will realize that in, like, well 5 years.

Would these 5 things ruin a date?

2009-11-19T18:36:00.004-05:00

I've never really been one for dating rules. Honestly, I think a lot of it is just common sense and that's why I like this post from Nate Bagley on the, Five Things that Ruin a Date:

Texting – Hello phone addicts! You know who you are. You’re the people who suffer from text-induced carpel tunnel at age 19. You can’t go through a 50 minute class without conspicuously holding your phone under your desk, irritating those around you with the tickity-tack of your cell phone keys.

If the vibration of the phone in your pocket (or purse) is so overwhelmingly important that you just can’t help reaching for it mid-sentence to respond to your roommate’s message with a big “OMG! LOL! I know!” you have a problem. That problem is called “You have no class.”

Once, I left my phone at home when I went on a date. Guess what happened. My head exploded. No, not really. Nothing happened and the date was great. I dare you to do it.

Talking about past (or present) relationships – We’ve all been hung up on an ex before. Breakups are rarely enjoyable. Getting over a past love is hard. However, a date is not the place to look for sympathy, therapy, or whatever else it is that you need.

The best way to get over an ex is to move on. That means leaving them behind, not bringing them along as the conversational third wheel on your date. The last thing I want to hear about as we chat over a plate of Gnocchi and unlimited breadsticks at the Olive Garden is how your ex just didn’t appreciate you for who you are, and that’s why you had to break up with them and put yourself back on the market. SHUDDER.

The Marathon Date – Get it out of your head that a date has to last longer than six hours! If your date ends before midnight, it’s not a failure; it’s actually quite refreshing. Not only that, but it leaves your prospect potentially wanting more of you, and not less. Remember, less is more.

Talking about yourself – You shouldn’t be dating to prove to others how awesome you are. If you are, you’re a tool and nobody likes you anyway. Get over yourself. Ask your date questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Then, more importantly, listen to their answers! It’s amazing how far this little gem of advice will get you.

Personal grooming and appearance – As Mason Jennings puts it, “it’s the little details that derail your dreams, as simple as it seems. The separate little things that you should have done define your life, honey, one by one.” Fellas, if your nose looks like the latest addition to the Chia Pet collection, and the back of your neck looks like it could benefit from a couple passes with a lawnmower, you need to take five minutes and do some man-scaping.

What do you think? Anything you would add or take away? Leave your thoughts in the comment section!

Being a cool girlfriend, sorta

2009-11-18T17:04:00.004-05:00

If you're at all a girly-girl like me, you haven't played a videogame, like, ever. I grew up with only a sister and we never clamored for the ever-more-expensive game systems (just ever-more-expensive American Girl Doll accessories).

I think I played some version of a pixel-y Mario Brothers when I was nine, with the family friends with the two boys who I thought were incredibly icky.

Even when OhMySarcasm would readily play Super Mario Cart with the boys down the hall in our dorm sophomore year, I would maybe go and watch. I would never play.

I'll admit I was obsessed with both Guitar Hero and Rock Band when they came out - but I've been told these don't "count" as video games. True video games are the thumbs-on-controller, more-nerdy-than-group-activity type.

So for weeks, my bf has been SO excited about the New Super Mario Brothers for Wii coming out. All along he has assured me I would love it. I heard the word Wii and though "Ooo more interactive, I can do this!"

But I also heard the word video game and got nervous about nerdiness, addiction and staying up way past my bedtime.

But, like the good girlfriend I am (I am currently baking chocolate chip pumpkin bread for said bf, like a good, domestic girl), I sat down to play the thumbs-on-controller game. What do you know, it was pretty fun, and I'm slightly addicted - mostly because I want to get better, and not lose five lives in a round while bf gains like 10.

Then bf shows me this article from IGN, where they point out that any Mario game is a great "girlfriend game" because of their cute characters, nostalgic scenes and even a character option who does nothing that involves losing lives or fighting enemies. (I do play a real character, Toad, thankyouvermuch.)

Then I overhear bf talking on the phone to his friend, something like:
bf: "Well, dude, I gotta go. Emma and I are about to start a game."
friend: "Dude, your girlfriend plays video games with you? She's so cool!"
bf: "Well, sorta. It is just Mario."

So there you have it, ladies. How to be a cool, sorta, girlfriend - just give their weird boy hobbies a try.

Sleepless on the Marc Train and the Metro

2009-11-17T16:59:00.004-05:00

Every day I see my future husband get on the train. Then I see him leave, with only so much as a smile, on a good day.

In “Sleepless in Seattle,” Meg Ryan’s character travels cross country to seek out the man of her dreams, without knowing she accidentally ran into him at the airport …

I’ve gotta stop watching movies.

No, I’ve gotta stop holding on to my ex.

I can’t seem to find any middle ground. One day I settle, and the next I’ve got my head in the clouds. But here’s why:

It’s tough. You all know I’ve been clinging to my ex like peanut butter, sticky, sugary peanut butter. Because as soon as I decide it’s FINALLY time to for real get over him once and for all, he’s awesome. And then when I FINALLY decide maybe there is hope for us again, he stops regarding/talking to me as much. So then I get on the metro and smile at every remotely attractive man because I think he might be the one. And I so desperately want to be swept away with him, so I stop thinking about my very attractive ex. Because he could be the one who will respond to my text messages or rush home to meet me or celebrate a new job with me or invite me to dinner or make me feel unique or REGARD ME.

Here’s to hoping.

Unlike 99.98765% of movies, this scene actually happens in real life.

2009-11-16T20:08:00.005-05:00

I haven't seen The Holiday, but after watching the YouTube clip below and having a friend tell me about it, I must see this movie pronto (do I smell a LOMB sleepover/movie time?)!

Anyways, tonight at dinner with a friend, I was going over the all so dramatic details of my life, which are oddly on repeat and she told me about some scenes in The Holiday that apparently resembled my life (I've always said my life could be a C-rated reality show).

The scenes here are all too common and all too true. The saddest part of all? They often exist because we allow them to happen:

(Answering the question, "Why do I always fall for the bad girl?")

Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.

Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me.

How many times have we ignored the idiotic actions of some guy just because we were hoping we were wrong or that he'd change or that we would just learn to deal with it?

(I better see everyone's hands in the air).

I'm certainly not innocent.

I put up with too much, I give too much of myself to people that I hope will surprise me. We all do. But where's the line? When do we back away? And it's hard to do, especially for the LOMB girls. We're nice. We love people. We love loving people. Especially when those people are cute boys. It's too easy to give in to a cute boy, even if he is a bad boy.

Whats even worse is knowingly engaging in this behavior. Like, you know it's not healthy, you know its not right. It stinks when you see a friend doing it too. We all know we deserve better than someone who doesn't understand reciprocity and who, as OhMyLaughter said, has the benefit of the "win-win" situation.

All of this is just to say, don't waste time, "the pretty" or your self-esteem for someone who doesn't mind taking it all.

Iris: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Wine blogging

2009-11-14T20:24:00.006-05:00

Ah, I love the flush that comes on my cheeks from drinking wine with OhMyPassion.

We're sitting here with our college roommate - let's call her Abbey - doing a little bit of girly catch-up. Would you expect any less from us?

Abbey recently broke up with her on-again off-again boyfriend, and, of course, has boys falling at her feet, but is not crazy about any of them. Mostly it's because, like many gentlemen in this world of ours, unfortunately use the worst lines or act wayyyy cooler than they are and/or try wayyyy harder to impress us than necessary.

Come on, guys, we can see right through you.

One particular gentleman took Abbey out on a date. She was excited and surprised that he took her out on a legit date - it so rarely happens these days - at a forreal restaurant with forreal conversation. Except in the conversation she felt stilted because she felt like he was trying to be too fancy. You know, she curses a bit, she likes to quote movies like Superbad - her pet bunny's name is McLovin - and Pineapple Express and is an all-around fun-loving, down-to-earth gal. He, on the other hand, was over-enunciating his words, tried to order for her, and she could see through his pretending-to-be-cool-ness.

So, naturally, she didn't want to continue seeing him and stopped returning his calls.

But he kept calling and leaving voicemails (pshhh how passe!). And get this, ladies, his most recent one was:

"I haven't heard from you...it's been a while. Heh... I don't want to have to erase you from my phone book but..."

Clearly, as Passion just put it, he was trying to get a rise out of her and act way cooler than he really his. However, it's so clear that she's above him. She obviously cares less.

"I'm crying on the inside. He can give that phone book position to another Abbey, " Abbey just said. Oh how I love her sarcasm.

What are the worst lines you have heard, on or off voicemail?

Cheers to Saturday night, wine and good girlfriends!

I, like, do.

2009-11-13T11:15:00.007-05:00

I never wore much pink in high school and I was barely caught dead in dresses or skirts – I’ve always tried to stay away from being too girly, but ohhhhhhhhhhhh how I love wedding proposals!

I am quite far from marriage – I don’t even have a boyfriend. I don’t even have a date. But I still like to fantasize about how I could one day end up getting proposed to. It’s not the cheesy romance, and it’s not the frilly froo-froo girlyness of it, it’s the creativity and thought and specialness of it all that really makes my toes curl.

The stock, corny overly romantic ones, on the other hand, make me want to hurl. My two former high school friends (I guess we weren’t really close but I’d still call them friends) pretty much take the cake (HA, pun). Here’s a condensed version of their proposal story posted on their wedding Web site:

Jacob proposed on Saturday, August 15, 2009 in Annapolis and Monica excitedly said YES, of course! They spent a beautiful day exploring the city. They took a boat ride around the harbor and Chesapeake Bay, went to dinner at a restaurant on the water, and then took a horse-drawn carriage ride through the historic parts of town. After, they headed to a local creamery and got ice cream and walked down a dock to see all the city lights. They were sitting on the dock talking about their relationship. Jacob then suggested that they take a picture with all the lights and water behind them. He then walked over to her and she told him he better turn around before the camera flashed. But he just looked at her and told her that the only thing that could make this summer any better would be if she would marry him. He got down on one knee and asked her to be his wife. At this point Monica was absolutely crying and smiling and saying yes.

Blech! I’d need to drink a gallon of water just to drown out all the saltiness of that CHEESE.

My sister’s friend’s sister (heh) got engaged over the summer. Her now fiancé knew how much she loves the “Rocky” movies, so he took her to the famous Rocky steps in Phili and proposed at the top, in front of whoever was there. I understand there was a bit more creativity involved, but I’m not sure the details. But even without, that proposal sounds just splendid to me.

What I like is that he proposed in a non-over-the-top, non-expensive and sans-cheese way that still required thought. If it were me, I’d be overjoyed because not only do I love Rocky, but I also am huge on movies in general. Now that would be a fiancé who really knew me.

I’d like to know what you think ladies, but it would be really nice if a GUY or two chimed in as well. Come on. “Like, OhMyBlog” is meant to be slightly facetious – it’s not all about bows and frills and boyz and crushies; we want your Ops too!

Doing fancy "grown up" stuff

2009-11-12T18:44:00.002-05:00

I went to the DMV today. I updated my license with a new picture (the first one sans braces, after the original 15-year-old permit one) and my new non-parent's house address.

Tonight, I'm going to my first book club meeting. (Don't be impressed. We will only read cheesy romance novels and it's made up of the girlfriends of the roommates of my boyfriend. Okay, be impressed if you must!)

Last weekend, my boyfriend and I went to a get-together where the other two couples were married. (Speaking of "non-friends," the new wives compared and contrasted which of their friends actually sent them gifts. I can't decide whose worse - the comparing wives, or the non-gifting friends - in their lameness.)

I felt silly at the DMV. I had to ask the chick behind the desk a lot of questions, and I didn't bring the right form for another DMV transaction I wanted to accomplish.

I'm excited for book club tonight, but I'll definitely be the youngest girl there. Do I bring wine? Do I bring a snack? How will I interact with these more experienced women?

My boyfriend kept making fun of me for being the youngest one at our get-together last weekend. He always is jokingly frustrated when I admit I was too young to see some movie or T.V. show he was obsessed with.

So where am I? Where are we LOMB girls? What is this grown-up thing all about? Are we doing it right? Was there some "how to be a grown up 101" class that I missed in college?

Like, what a creep!

2009-11-10T16:29:00.008-05:00

We've all been that girl.

My day was a Taylor Swift song

2009-11-09T19:43:00.008-05:00

This isn't much of a post, but it's NaBloWriMo and I'm so excited I want to tell everyone, even though I'm trying to keep that to a minimum.

You know when you have a crush on someone, but you're convinced they don't see you in that way?

Or you feel like the guys you really like, just won't like you back?

That's what I had been feeling these two months with the guy I have been pining for.

But no more.

Today, he asked me out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the only reasons he hadn't before were because of shyness and thinking that I was pretty and therefore must already have a boyfriend.

Actually I believe the correct word was hot.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This was not actually said to me, but through a mutual friend, which is how I also found out he was really nervous to ask me out. Me. For once, I wasn't the nervous one.)

Wow. And for those that read my last post about the schmoozer, this is actually the guy from HR I mentioned at the end. We're not going to a football game, - well, not together, but we'll both be attending the last game of the season at our alma mater, but we have a date. And I know I shouldn't get too worked because it could all be wrong, but whatever. I'm sooooooo excited.

So thanks for reading my squealing girly moment.

My Thing

2009-11-08T11:54:00.004-05:00

I’ve been struggling with something. The more I try to work it out by myself, the more rationalizing I end up doing, which is one of the least effective ways to work through a struggle. Comments to this post are welcomed and appreciated.

I didn’t always think I’d end up a writer, but I always thought I’d end up following my dream.

In middle school it was sports. In 9^th and 10^th it was theater arts. In 11^th and 12^th it was journalism. In college it was helping. And now more than anything I know it’s writing.

Whatever it ended up being, I always knew I’d be proud of myself because I’d be doing “my thing.”

I always pictured myself in a mediocre apartment with no air conditioning sometimes eating cereal for dinner … but loving every second of it. Because I was doing “my thing.”

And now, for a few years, I probably won’t be doing “my thing.” And it’s killing me.

But I can’t live at home anymore. My life is in a city. It’s time.

I don’t want to introduce myself to people as an employee at a company I know nothing about and for which I have very little interest.

Any advice for me?

It’s so hard to be this ( ) close to your dream job and have it taken away from you. It’s all I can think about. I’ve told myself that moving out and having a salary and health insurance and paying my bills is finally starting to outweigh “my thing,” but I’m really not so sure. Help?

The Schmoozer

2009-11-07T12:59:00.004-05:00

We've all met that guy: thinks he's hot stuff, conversation rolls easily off his tongue, and is successful with work and women. He's a guy who is easy to fall for, even though you know it's wrong.

I met one of those guys at work last week. I call him Schmoozer Mark. He's from our DC office, so he isn't around much, which is why I was surprised when he came up to me and told me he remembered seeing me from a work party the week before. Naturally, I was flattered. A cute, confident guy noticed me! He asked me all these questions, seemed interested, etc. When I told him my position, my boss, who was sitting right there, also told him about my semi-promotion I had just received, adding,

"And you can't have her."

Now whether she meant professionally or personally, I don't know, but I have a feeling it was almost a warning to me. Anyway, I left our meeting with the thought I'd never want to date him, but would let him take me out to dinner because I had the feeling he would pick an expensive restaurant.

Flash forward - btw, that show is so not as good as LOST, but I digress - to yesterday, where there was another party that I knew he would attend. I knew I was interested in him, but I was tempted to go partly because he would be there; who isn't flattered by attention? I had to finish up some work first, so I arrived when the party had already gotten under way. And there he was, flirting with an intern (who is actually older than I am). He was making a big deal of her to one of the bosses. And there I was, feeling quiet, somewhat insignificant, and not too surprised. I knew he was that type - I labeled him Schmoozer Mark the minute I met him.

I had a light bulb moment: why do I care that he's not paying attention to me when I'm not actually attracted to him? I don't like his personality, he's too loud, and he's not even that cute. What is it about that schmooziness that some guys possess that makes girls go weak at the knees? I guess it's the confidence - or rather over confidence - that can be attractive. But, ugh, he's just too much.

So I've changed my mind. I would not go out to dinner with him, even if it was to an expensive restaurant. Instead, I'll just let that nice boy in HR take me to a good ol' football game.

Dating: How to be more apprachable and give guys a chance

2009-11-06T14:22:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, OhMyHeart totally called me out:

Some of us have no problem rejecting. I've walked down the street with a friend (ahem, OhMyDrama) who has gotten whistled at and the respectable lady in question just glared at him: "No."

And she was right: I don't have a problem rejecting men that I don't have any desire to really get to know, especially when they approach in a lazy, boring, disrespectful manner. However, I'll admit that despite the fact that my standards are high and judgment is quick, I could be more approachable (or maybe just more open). Thankfully, the girls over at TMI Weekly made a great video with some tips on how to be more approachable. Below you'll find some of the tips along with my two cents. Make sure you check out the video after the jump!

Body language: open up, smile more
-Your body language says a lot about your demeanor. Slouching and crossing your arms doesn't send approachable vibes. Instead, keep a comfortable posture and smile more.

Try a little bashfulness
-This doesn't mean be dumb and ditsy. Rather, underplay attributes that might be initially intimidating.
Make and keep eye contact
-This is basic, but definitely not easy to do. Eye contact lets a guy know you're interested and heck, 8.2 seconds of eye contact can potentially lead to love at first sight. When it comes to eye contact, just go for it.

Have a point of conversation
-This might be cheesy, but it's definitely useful in the long run. Have a mental list of potential topics of conversation. This way, when a guy approaches, you can skip all of that awkward small talk about what you do for a living and those potentially painful moments of silence. As you're chatting it up, keep the conversation light, funny, sarcastic and complementing. Avoid delving too deep into heavy topics at first.

Let them know you like them
-If you like him, let him know. This isn't to mean tell him you've got your wedding date picked out and you can't wait to raise a family together. Rather, let him know you've enjoyed spending time talking to him and that you'd like to do it again.
Simple is sexy: simplify your outfit
-You don't gotta get all dolled up! Stay cute and stylish but nix the red carpet look. If your wardrobe says more than your mouth, you're not very interesting or approachable. Pick one or two fun accessories to complement a stylishly neutral outfit. I normally add a fun piece of jewelry or a cute pair of flats.

For more on how to be approachable, check out this episode of TMI Weekly